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Emotional Incest is a thing

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Emotional Incest is a thing

Postby wowyf » Fri Nov 02, 2018 12:36 am

Just wanted to share this as my therapist recently shared it with me. I've always had a lot of weird feelings towards my mother. As an adult I am quite grossed out by her. My therapist helped me unpack this a bit and ultimately gave me a new phrase which I didn't know was a thing.

Emotional Incest.

Lot's of articles and youtube videos on it.

Ultimately, because my mother leaned on me emotionally when I was a child, looking to me for emotional support due to my abusive father it created me in a weird partnership co-dependency with mom where she looked to be for stability when she should have looked towards my father (or a friend of hers). When she was crying I would be the one to comfort her.

Ulimately I've realized how much it has ###$ me up and my relationship with her is really out of whack as 36 year old man.
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Re: Emotional Incest is a thing

Postby xdude » Sun Nov 04, 2018 12:28 pm

Hey wowyf,

I think you are bringing up a general parenting matter. Some kids experience the other extreme, a parent or parents who are utterly emotionally detached. The reverse extreme is as you wrote, overly emotionally involved. There is a grey area in the middle, a healthier place where the parent/s love their kids, but also encourage them to become independent adults.

Note that I wrote it's a parenting matter, because the children don't have the emotional or intellectual defenses or experiences to sort out what is going on ... at least not until they are older, and have spent more time living their life as an adult, and around other adults.

Sounds like you are on the right track, and good to read that you have a therapist to work with.
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Re: Emotional Incest is a thing

Postby wowyf » Sun Nov 04, 2018 8:55 pm

thanks for the reply xdude. I think it's key you say it's a parenting thing. because you're right it's not the kid's responsibility to sort through that when they're a kid. A parent has to be aware enough of what's going on to be a responsible influence on the child's development.
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Re: Emotional Incest is a thing

Postby xdude » Mon Nov 05, 2018 4:03 pm

Good to read this. It really was not your responsibility to set those boundaries as a child. Now you can, but of course it's hard to do when that is what you grew up with. In a very real sense, you've been trained to feel and think this way.

Also good stuff that you and your therapist have revealed this. It still takes time, but that light going on is the hardest step.
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