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How can someone be so mean to someone they claim to love?

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How can someone be so mean to someone they claim to love?

Postby Elena0102 » Sat Oct 27, 2018 10:55 am

I met my husband almost 18 months ago. We were on from the day we met, he visited me the next day and we have been together since. I have a daughter from a previous relationship that was physically abusive. She was only 2 when we met me and my current husband. He took her as his own and she calls him dad.

He was sweet. He spent all his time with us, took care of her, helped a lot at home with cookinh, cleaning, dishes and laundry. He prioritized our time together, complimented me and we had fun together. He took care of my daughter while I went to dance class once a week and he was supportive of my dreams and my school and he helped me a lot with math. Also our sex life was amazing.

We got married and I got pregnant. He kept helping out a lot and all that and we went on our honeymoon to Africa to meet aome of his family members. He is african and i am mixed african. We had fun, went around during the day, some nights we went out to dance together.

But there were also issues. He once I got extremely mad because I didn’t answered the phone once my grandmom called me. He was a little strict with my daughter and got angry at me if I disagreed and called me ungrateful. He had a big problem with my daughter showing emotions and crying.

So during pregnancy it got worse the closer I got to giving birth. In the end we were arguing almost every week about my daughter. He would call me nasty things, like evil, all women are devils, that I was an awful mom and my daughter would turn out awful with me. He would never really apologize after but we wouldn’t talk together for some days, that was also my fault because I was angry and extremely hurt. He also got mad one day my daughter was sitting on my lap and said i only lovd her and he would get pissed if our son got handicapped and one day i wanted to comfort her at night when she was crying and he held me back. But the day after he apologized for that one. Once begore he out of the blie said he. Knew he was too much with my daughter and had a problem with her crying.

But I gave birth and during that he was a wonderful support and fter he was so proud and called me the best mother ever, that he had never seen anything like it before and our son got a lot of love and secure attachment, etc. But the communication got worse and when our son was two weeks my husband said he went to barbeque dinner but he didn’t return home until 5 am in the morning, normally we only go out together. He started calling me depressed and sick. We split up got back together and split up again. We tried couples theraphy once but there he did all the talking, saying how much he loves me, how he knows he has a problem with kids emotions but also a lot about how I was wrong as a parent and that I overreact when he critize me and can’t communicate. When I split up he said he would tell everybody what a devil I am, that I ruin his life, that he would kill himself, that my son would know how bad I am when she grows up and that he would tell everybody and ruin my life.

But we got back together and things were fine.

Until he said I was depressed, wanted to keep my son from him, mentally ill, violent and aggressive towards my son and yelling at him, talking bad at him, and telling my family I am sick and crazy in the head. He even reported me to social
Services for the children. He told me to give him our son because i couldn’t be alone with him and take my daughte rand go if i didn’t do it he would be aggressive. He gor advice on this and counselling on some crisis center for men’s right. And the week after that he ignored me and went clubbing and to bars. I don’t know why we got back together again, he apologized, took his report back and said he had missed me and that’s why he went out like that.

We were only fine one week. Then i couldn’t talk about it after, he said i was stuck in the past and my issues on the relationship was not about him but about me because I am sick and have problems, he even said he saved me from the social services. He was also so moody one day, he had a dream of me cheating so he grabbed my arm tight telling me to say no and he was complaining about everything to the milk i bought to why i didn’t buy more diapers. We went to the kids nurse some days after were we also talked some about the relationship and he said he did all that because i don’t talk with him so he doesn’t know what is going on. I cried there and he stand up pointing me in the face saying they will help us. After he asked why i cried and said i was just acting. I told him to see what is going on in his head after that he was right about everything, that I am sick and i don’t know how he can degrade himself to stay with me to that he answered that he is positive that I can change and it is because he is a positive man.

Then I left and I have no idea what is going on and if he believes his own stuff. It is as if he never loved me.that is worse then it is like all was a waste and i cant even keep the memories and move on like that if all was an act.

I also know more weird things about him after. He lied sying he was 30. He is 38 today and i am only 21. He never had long term relationship but a lot short overlapping ones. I pay almost everything and everytime we have an activity i pay. He is often on welfare. Went we met two weeks before he was telling a girl he had an online ldr with that he loved her, would stay with her and always honest as she deserved the best. I feel i give more than i get, it is always me who has to start, i look my best for him, cook for him, massage him (him as well especially in the beginning), initiate with him, plan things to do, touch, praise him, surprises, gifts, trips, etc. If i don’t do anything he doesn’t either. Only practical house stuff and kids stuff.

I don’t know what to do i am out planning divorce, bit i don’t know how anybody can be like that to somebody they claim to love. And talking to him is like talking to a rock, he only blames me and call me depressed and he is perfect, treats me like a queen and take all of my bs i am almost thinking if i am so sick i can’t comprehend that he is the one right or who it is?
Elena0102
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