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On again Off again

Open Discussions about Relationship Issues.

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Re: On again Off again

Postby xdude » Wed Dec 05, 2018 12:42 pm

Jemma,

What comes to my mind is that your friends being curious about your relationship status is probably normal. I am just basing that opinion on some books that concluded that some people focus quite a lot of mental energy on figuring out the social status of self and those around them.

Where it gets to be more complex is what are the social norms about discussing our relationships with others? Some of that depends on where you live, but I am also thinking that where I live it's uncommon for males to discuss their relationships with others. We don't ask each other as males, and if someone asked us, odds are they'd get a brief 'everything is fine' answer.

So the answer may just be there is no fault on either side. You came at it from your point of view, he from his.

That written...

I know you had written in the past that he may be a narcissist. If he is, then other factors may be that he feels a need to control what you say to others, especially when it is about him. Narcissists have an especially strong need/want to create and maintain their 'ideal image'.
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Re: On again Off again

Postby Jemma » Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:47 pm

I don't know if he's a narcissist or not but its definitely not because he wants to maintain an ideal image . Because he doesnt care about that and doesn't care about my friends opinions as well.

But was I lying when I said that I don't talk to my friends about my relationship ? Considering that all the information they have about my relationship is general and rosy .
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Re: On again Off again

Postby xdude » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:42 am

Jemma wrote:I don't know if he's a narcissist or not but its definitely not because he wants to maintain an ideal image . Because he doesnt care about that and doesn't care about my friends opinions as well.


Sometimes what people say they care about, and what they actually care about, differ. So it's possible to both intellectually believe 'I don't care' while emotionally still react because they actually do care.

Jemma wrote:But was I lying when I said that I don't talk to my friends about my relationship ? Considering that all the information they have about my relationship is general and rosy .


I think this is up to you to choose how much information about your personal life you want to share.

I guess you could call it a lie, but it's a common enough lie that when asked about our personal lives many people answer in brief. I think it's your choice, if it would help you, to answer with more than you have. If it doesn't help you then I don't think you are obligated to answer with anymore details.

Personally I'd keep in mind that just because others are asking about our personal lives, it doesn't necessarily mean they have the best intent. The reality is some gossip, and use information about others for not so great purposes, so I'd still suggest being careful who you share what with.
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