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Cheating

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Cheating

Postby GuessWhat » Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:59 pm

Once i was dating with a girl, I kissed another one and she left me.
Few days ago i was dating with another girl, she had sex with her ex; i talked in another thread, and so I left her.

I don't know, I really would have a girl for me... but isn't this utopy?
Nowadays cheating is really common, as others say:

Human life is made of novelty and marital fidelity is only a false historical inculcated in our minds and imposed by religions.
The error lies in making the partner discover a possible betrayal (for example confessing it, or not doing enough to keep it hidden), but not in putting it into practice.


Then remember, all love affairs eventually wind down. If it is not the woman cheating on the man, well, it will be the Man. Remember that while you are blaming the women for cheating, you might want to cheat a little yourself someday.


And now there are those speech like "yeah, i had sex with him/her but i love you"...
Should I forgive that girl? We wasn't even in a real relationship, and I'm not jealous at all.. Just she was so jealous and she was whining about I'm sure a jerk, and then she did the same thing she was scared for.

Sure I hate the thinking that "my girlfriend" go f*ck others.. but looks like is impossible to avoid it. I don't want to be cheated on.. but so I should avoid lot of girls.. and i didn't want to be alone.
What should my thinking be about this?
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Re: Cheating

Postby xdude » Thu Oct 18, 2018 3:46 pm

You are bringing up a topic that crosses cultures, and goes back historically for who knows how long. It's probably a more visible topic due to social media, and other media, plus as we've exchanged about before, popularized narcissism, and male/female roles being challenged, more IN YOUR FACE, but...

The thing is your solution here really is purely in what you do going forward with yourself. Let me put that a different way though. Which is more likely to happen?

1.) That you change the thinking of 7,000,000,000 other people and convince them all that cheating is wrong? or...

2.) You change your own perception/reactions?

So there are a couple of things you can do -

1.) Be more selective in who you choose to get involved with (that's no guarantee, but it changes the odds).

2.) What will be a lifetime work, to start to change your views/expectations of self, others, and your world view.

I am going to pass on something someone said to me, someone I was sexually involved with. She said, if someone is going to cheat on you then they are, they will find a way to do it, and so why stress over it? That didn't sit well with me at the time, but later (many years later), it started to sink in. Here is another way to look at it -

Are you going to stop driving because you 'might' get into a car accident?
Are you going to stop eating food because you 'might' get food poisoning?
Are you going to stop going outside because you 'might' get robbed, mugged, or killed?

Thing is if you live long enough and engage in any of these, eventually it probably will happen.

And of course...

Are you going to stop having relationships, because you 'might' get hurt due to cheating?
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Re: Cheating

Postby LeelaTuranga » Thu Oct 18, 2018 5:29 pm

xdude wrote:, it started to sink in. Here is another way to look at it -

Are you going to stop driving because you 'might' get into a car accident?
Are you going to stop eating food because you 'might' get food poisoning?
Are you going to stop going outside because you 'might' get robbed, mugged, or killed?

Thing is if you live long enough and engage in any of these, eventually it probably will happen.

And of course...

Are you going to stop having relationships, because you 'might' get hurt due to cheating?


I think this too and i find myself
to agree logically but i can't do it practically.
Not specifically about cheating but generally about being hurt.
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Re: Cheating

Postby GuessWhat » Thu Oct 18, 2018 9:30 pm

I never said to stop in seeking someone just 'cause this someone can cheat on me.
But because everyone will cheat on, I have just to let it go if it happens. At least once.

Then many people don't care if the partner cheats on, poligamyc love, just "friends with benefits", who forgives it and so.. so there are not so many bilion of people that are thinking that cheating on is wrong.

I have doubt 'cause I was in a relationship with that girl. She looks really sorry about it and still she is looking for me.. but yeah, she's kinda crazy, and another girl said that probably she says this thing but tomorrow she can do the opposite.
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Re: Cheating

Postby xdude » Fri Oct 19, 2018 11:33 am

I think most people do not want to be cheated on, but that doesn't mean they won't cheat. That can seem to be illogical, but...

It is logical from a certain point of view. We people often use dual rule sets if it's to our advantage. So the 'cheating is wrong' if it negatively affects me, and 'cheating is justifiable' if I benefit thinking happens.

On the plus side, there are plenty of people who live by a code of ethics, treat others as I wish to be treated thinking. You can try to find those types of people to have relationships with. There is no guarantee they won't cheat, but they may be less likely to do so. Actually there is no guarantee you won't either. We may think never, but the future isn't here yet.

Forgiveness is possible too for some, depending on the circumstances. Such is life.

It's probably also a factor for you that you are at that age where people are seeking out sex frequently, while also looking for potential lifetime relationships, etc. Some of that tends to change as people grow older, and their goals shift from sex toward the later (the long term relationship part).
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Re: Cheating

Postby xdude » Fri Oct 19, 2018 1:05 pm

LeelaTuranga wrote:I think this too and i find myself
to agree logically but i can't do it practically.
Not specifically about cheating but generally about being hurt.


Understood, and many people are in the same boat, though I think much of this comes down to our perception.

Unfortunately adjusting our perception of self, and others, is difficult. The first and most difficult step is adjusting our common deep seated belief that changing others is the solution, while avoiding changing ourselves. I am not religious, but there is something to the idea of why focus on the speck of saw dust in another's eye while ignoring the 2x4 stuck in our own. Once we get past the focus on what others are doing, and turn the focus to ourselves, many changes are at least possible.

We are all going to be hurt at some point, and we are going to hurt others too. Incorporating this into our perception and expectation is not easy.
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Re: Cheating

Postby GuessWhat » Fri Oct 19, 2018 2:16 pm

It could be but since women are not trouble in finding men we already know how this will end.
It's the same subject i was talking of the last time.
It's already really hard finding a girl, plus if this will cheat on me.. uff, what a sh*tty life.

People say that monogamy is not for human beings.
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