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How to move on after dating a Narcissist

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How to move on after dating a Narcissist

Postby Sheryl » Wed Sep 26, 2018 12:23 am

After my divorce, I dated a narcissist for almost 4 years. He has only met my kids 7 times as a result of his unwillingness to meet them and my unwillingness to subject them to someone who might not treat them the way I would hope. He was one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met, seemed as if we connected on every level - he took me to Paris early on and then Rome. After that, everything changed and was left with someone who I couldn’t depend on and seemed distant. He would pick a fight right before he had a 3 wk stretch of off time and wouldn’t talk to me until a month later. I did everything to show him my love as the best girlfriend he could possibly have- because relationships take work and effort. The problem is when one side makes all the effort and other does not. The second half of our relationship was difficult - always compared me to ex girlfriends and stayed in touch with one of them (she never wanted to meet me according to him, but now realize he would never want us to meet since this could expose him for who he really is) He had me talk to his brother and mother through conference call but perhaps this was never a big deal to him as it was to me. All in all, I am a smart educated woman - it took me years and loss of friends to finally diagnose him. I refuse to become an empty shell of myself. He promised me marriage but had nothing but complaints when we evaluated our relationship at the end - everything and all his troubles were apparently my fault which is typical but later learned not to blame myself.
I blame myself for not recognizing the flag - there were so many! The silent treatment started at 3 months, followed by his loathing of my kids and time spent with them instead of him, then came all the broken promises ... one after one. The worst was when he flirted with the waitress to the point she became uncomfortable and tried to redirect the conversation back towards me. And the texts I’ve seen from women - during our breakups byt shows he is not waiting around for me.
I am moving on and blocked him by cell and text. He reached out yesterday by email but stood my ground! I do owe him money so told him about my installment plan to pay off everything I ever owed him so there would be no ties between us. My friend thought I should keep the money after all the grief he put me through. Despite his many lies, I feel it is only right to pay back what I owe. This will help me move on cut all ties between us.
When I think back about our relationship and all the knowledge and ideas he semmed to possess, it was important for me to first acknowledge what power he seemed to have which kept me spellbound for all those years. But it was even more important to realize that I am capable of learning all those things I admired in him. So, I should not need and depend on him as he led me to believe. Those traits and knowledge I most appreciated in him can be learned through reading and research on my own. This realization is so empowering and so I look forward to new relationships which are now supportive.
Sheryl
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