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afraid to fall in love?

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afraid to fall in love?

Postby themissingme » Mon Sep 17, 2018 1:36 pm

I feel that we all have different legitimate reasons to not believe in love..
we have all been hurt
we have all been betrayed, lied to, cheated, used and not valued..
we all have reasons to not trust others again... because we have all experienced hurt and pain in our heart.
and it's entirely up to us, to decide whether we want to take the risk again...
when we are taking the risk ... it doesn't mean that things would work out, it doesn't mean that we will never get hurt again..
but it means that.. we are willing to take the chance to give it a try...
and there is no guarantee that things would go well, in the way that we expect it to..
we took the chance.. to give it a good try anyway.. hoping that it would work out..

we will meet so many people in our lives and there will only be one single person (with luck) that would walk with us till the end....
most relationships are meant to fail, it meant to give us a lesson and for us to learn how to be a better self, so we would be one step closer to be ready... to give love to the next person that comes along..
I know it's very sad that things end all the time.. it's torturing.. it's depressing and it's very sad to see things coming to an end at times...

but I still
want to believe in love
I still want to find that person or be ready when he comes along
so that I can be happy
I understand that sadness is used in exchange of happiness.. we can only be sad if we had experience happiness in the relationship

although it's very painful in the end.. I am glad that it did happen..
I am glad that I did meet these people in my lives.. so I was once happy.. because of them.
:-/ :*-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: afraid to fall in love?

Postby Autumn218 » Mon Sep 17, 2018 2:37 pm

I think i am afraid to even try or too tired to try.although without being in love is so unbearably boring.
I don't have regrets because i see it as experience but if i look back i don't miss anyone at all.like i am not nostalgic .like i am definetely not glad but i guess it would be worse if i hadn' met anything at all
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Re: afraid to fall in love?

Postby themissingme » Tue Sep 18, 2018 3:19 pm

Autumn218 wrote:I think i am afraid to even try or too tired to try.although without being in love is so unbearably boring.
I don't have regrets because i see it as experience but if i look back i don't miss anyone at all.like i am not nostalgic .like i am definetely not glad but i guess it would be worse if i hadn' met anything at all


it's so boring and lonely when I can't even share my life with someone.. I am very independent and I can enjoy life, work well, eat well and even travel on my own.. but isn't it so nice when you have someone to share your experience with?
sounds like you have never let someone in for real? or no one has been so special that makes you miss him or her?
I am very emotional, so each connection I made are quite deep when it comes around..
that's why I would miss them sometimes.. was painful when that ended, but I am happy that I did make the connections.. just sad that it was too short or ended too soon..
:-/
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: afraid to fall in love?

Postby Autumn218 » Tue Sep 18, 2018 3:31 pm

i think i am too emotional too like i want too much or nothing at all and i can't find the middle.
although practically it seems that i am not now you say that indeed. because i don't want to go to opposite end of too much ,is not safe.
yes i never let someone in for real,i think you describe it perfect.
i mean i had intense feelings but if you don't really let anyone in ,after it seems like there was never anything at all.it feels like nothingness.
i can't find something to be passionate about and without passion i can't enjoy much things. also maybe is fear too the problem.
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Re: afraid to fall in love?

Postby xdude » Wed Sep 19, 2018 10:16 am

Hey themissingme,

It's the cluster B quandary. We only really feel good when we are in love, but then once we are, we play our part in screwing it up too (or may believe the person we love has let us down).

Who knows, I can only guess a lot of it comes down to self-protection, but there is probably more to it then just that.
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Re: afraid to fall in love?

Postby themissingme » Wed Sep 19, 2018 4:29 pm

xdude wrote:Hey themissingme,

It's the cluster B quandary. We only really feel good when we are in love, but then once we are, we play our part in screwing it up too (or may believe the person we love has let us down).

Who knows, I can only guess a lot of it comes down to self-protection, but there is probably more to it then just that.


It's true and it makes sense.
it's the fundamental belief of I am not worthy and no one will ever stay.. that's why I would freak out when I am in love. and that's when I would act out and screw it up in all the ways taht I can so that people will eventually leave.

it's the deepest desire of wanting to make a good connection with someone, but once it was estabalished, I would be totally freaked out.
lol

can only take things slow
keep a good distance to let things play out

it's fate too I guess
for people that we would meet in our lives and also for the timing that it happens..
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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Re: afraid to fall in love?

Postby xdude » Thu Sep 20, 2018 1:46 pm

I think you deserve much kudos themissingme, because you insight that many others lack, and never ever come to see.
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Re: afraid to fall in love?

Postby themissingme » Sat Oct 13, 2018 6:57 am

thanks xdude
because I was once a PsyD student, and have a master in Clinical psy on my belt.. and living my life as a highly functional BPD.. :oops:

I think going to therapy really helps healing that brokeness of me.. I just had a 2 hours session with my therapist earlier and it has healed me in a way.. I am feeling less broken than before :-)
I don't have hope, so God reaches out and gives me hope.
I don't feel loved, so God found me and shows me His never failling love.
I don't feel happy, so God shows me what happiness can be like..

*The Darkest Night Brings the Brightest Stars*
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themissingme
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