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Feeling lost... missing him. Please help me be strong

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Feeling lost... missing him. Please help me be strong

Postby Markatta » Sat Sep 15, 2018 3:20 am

Although i ended the relationship for my safety i miss him like hell and dont know how to move on... i could almost die for love and he was the first and Only one who wanted a futire with me he is behaving strange least to speak though and thretened to kill me last time we saw each other so i had to break up. But i miss our golden period with all the romance.. (roses, love letters, gifts, kisses/cuddling/sleeping togerher and trips) with him. Im trying to move on, keep no contact and takw care of myself but i feel extremely lonely and just wish i could continue what good we first had. But i know its impossible. After we spoke and i broke up he put up an video of my where i pose sexy from one of oyr dates he filmed me. I texted him to put it down but he pretended he didnt knew my number/me and let the video be up for his 25000 followers for one day.... i dont understand his behaviour but its scaring me.. he drowe 200 km/h with me on his motorcycle and he showed me a gun and was unempled.. he started studing now but never told me he would although he knew. He checked my phone often and put in a GPS to see where i am at all times.. triangulated like crazy too.. almost every day he told me about some girls wanting him etc to try to make me jealous.. although he at the same time wanted to make me prefnant fast but couldnt cause i insisted we have condom. I felt he emotionally abused me and tried to controll my every move more and more.. in the end he even asked whom i went to the Hospital. As if that matter? I went alone and i didnt met anyone but him during our dating but he contatantly accaused me of cheating despite we barely were girlfriend/boyfriend. He said im a dishonest liar often although i spoke truth. The last time we saw each other he said deaththreats. It caused me C-PTSD and nightmares every night.. so i had to live in a shelter the second and last time i broke uo. now its been quiet a couple of weeks but i cant help but miss the good times we had. Ifeel im going into depressesion and almost thinking about going back to him at times bacause at least i had "love". He got 8-pack Abs tall dark hanssome but i cant forget his dark evil stare the last time we saw each other when he did many inclinations about killing me.. yet gis kind words, hugs and actions meant the world to me... i dont know how to find a substitute for them..yet im so confued cause he took me to highest highs and lowest lows. there is no new interesring guy for me and i think he might be single still too but please help me come to my senses? I know he is extremely dangerous but a piece in my heart still loves him ;( <\3
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Re: Feeling lost... missing him. Please help me be strong

Postby xdude » Sat Sep 15, 2018 3:06 pm

Hey Markatta,

I wanted to start with a compliment because I think you have a very good intellectual understanding of what happened, and why you are torn over what to do.

Emotionally, there are two challenges to staying strong and doing what must be done.

The first challenge is to figure out why you are remembering the good times over the abusive times. Why do I keep replaying the memories of good times in my head, and minimizing the abuse?

The second challenge is that fear of loneliness part you wrote about. Why do I feel so lonely without my abuser?

In an ideal world what is behind both can be positive traits, but they can also end up being why we enter, and remain, in a relationship with someone who is abusive. It's also an opportunity for personal growth.

I don't know if therapy is possible for you, but talking about this with someone really does help, including helping with that sense of feeling lonely. That may not be possible, and the feeling alone part is a lifetime work we have just put off (this relationship can be an awakening if you want it to be), but I did want to offer one bit of advice (it's not much) to remain strong...

This takes practice, but for every positive memory you find yourself dwelling on, force yourself to recall one of those abusive situations (e.g., the triangulation, the threats, a controlling moment). This probably won't come naturally, but I think it can help in breaking the emotional cycle. Sadly it may leave you feeling more alone for a time, but you'll be able to work on that later once are recalling those idealized moments less often.
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