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Angry with women and others

Postby GuessWhat » Tue Jul 31, 2018 3:48 pm

Sorry for my english guys.
I'm 22 yo, and how I explained somewhere else, i'm virgin and with almost no experience in relationships.
Looks like I'm worthless for women, and so I become really whiny, mad and angry in general.

I had a girl, but i lasted 2 weeks before i cheated with someone else, just a french kiss, but my guily feelings brought me to tell to her, and she left me. I said i did wrong, but i was serious with her, but she doesn't want be serious with me. This is what she said, but at the start she never touched this point (she was really taken from me rather) but then she never miss the opportunity to show herself angry about what i've done, and tried like to feed my guilty feelings.

End with her, i had just one girl, with whom i missed erection and she seems have lost interesting in me, and anyway she said at the start that she doesn't want anything serious (and i was ok, she was clear at the start). But i don't care her much, mostly it is the knowing to don't being interesting for women that hurt me a lot. I did a mistake, i'm an idiot ok, but jesus christ, it was just a kiss, and should I pay for the rest of my life for this thing?
I refused girls i didn't like too, but for them is always so easy; if they don't have you, they will have someone else better then them in no time.
If I got a reject, then i will found another reject and another one and another one and another one.

"You are not a model, so you have to look for a girl" and if I need they just avoid me like I'm a virus.
The girl that left me is said to be not that good looking, she looks like a lesbian, but she found hot guys and her sexual life is easy. Mine? I never had one.

I asked for many rates, even about sites about it, people are divided in "you sucks" and "you are good looking", probably i'm just normal and not enough for women expections.
They want a good looking guy, tall, with beautiful eyes, big jaw, long penis and full of muscle. No matter the behaviour then, we know well this, come on.
I'm skinny fat, and in the past i lost weight in a short time, so i look like a little bit fat and can't fix it wit gym.
This is my life, i can't live well with this: I have to spit blood just to find one girl, and then? If she will be terrible? If she will pretend too much? If she will be tired of me or see that she can get better?

Now is the era of polygamic love, free sex,bisexual, etc. I'm not racist but christ, this is not freedom... it's freedom for who already had everything, but for others are just being escluded from the game. And for any girls that rejected me, I feel like i'm a little more idiot than before for being a jerk with that chick.
Well, now we are in good ship... she "forgave" me for my many mistakes, and we have many friends in common (gay friends, but i'm eterosexual, just to be clear). And even this friends are making me jealous for they easy sexual life, and angry 'cause they say that it is my fault if i have not girls. faque them, they are so stupid and blind.
I can contunue this for much, but I wanna cut right here now.
This situation makes me so angry, sad, hysterical...
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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby GuessWhat » Wed Aug 01, 2018 11:18 pm

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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby pamelaperejil » Wed Aug 01, 2018 11:29 pm

I don't think the way you look is the problem here.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby bobok » Thu Aug 02, 2018 10:12 am

GuessWhat wrote:Sorry for my english guys.
Looks like I'm worthless for women, and so I become really whiny, mad and angry in general.


This here is your biggest issue, people don't wanna be around 'bitter' when there's so many fun confident people out there. Get rid of those negative feelings through sports or something and you'll notice the change in type of people you attract.

I had a girl, but i lasted 2 weeks before i cheated with someone else, just a french kiss, but my guily feelings brought me to tell to her, and she left me. I said i did wrong, but i was serious with her, but she doesn't want be serious with me.


Being serious with someone involves not sticking your tongue in other people's throats. You complain about not being able to find a girl and once you actually do find one, the first thing you do is self-sabotage and cheat on her? Fear of intimacy right here.

If I got a reject, then i will found another reject and another one and another one and another one.


This makes no sense. Everybody faces rejection at some point. Doesn't mean it will keep repeating. If it does happen, learn from it and leave it behind. Getting hung up on failures is a recipe for disaster.

"You are not a model, so you have to look for a girl" and if I need they just avoid me like I'm a virus.
The girl that left me is said to be not that good looking, she looks like a lesbian, but she found hot guys and her sexual life is easy. Mine? I never had one.

I asked for many rates, even about sites about it, people are divided in "you sucks" and "you are good looking", probably i'm just normal and not enough for women expections.
They want a good looking guy, tall, with beautiful eyes, big jaw, long penis and full of muscle. No matter the behaviour then, we know well this, come on.
I'm skinny fat, and in the past i lost weight in a short time, so i look like a little bit fat and can't fix it wit gym.


What does skinny fat mean? (I'm not a native speaker, sounds like an oxymoron)
Whoever says looks don't matter is a blatant liar, though your obsession with it seems unhealthy.
Not all girls want the stereotypical tall-dark-handsome boyfriend. Those that do will probably not want to be with you and that is fine, everyone's entitled to have their own criteria. Try keeping your criteria realistic and seek what you yourself have to offer.
I'm not a die-hard-fan of gym-muscles, it's plastic/trying-too-hard kind of beauty to me. I do like handsome, but in sort of a natural bohemian 'I don't give a crap what I look like but still do' kind of way. :lol:


This is my life, i can't live well with this: I have to spit blood just to find one girl, and then? If she will be terrible? If she will pretend too much? If she will be tired of me or see that she can get better?


Like I said - this here is the main issue. All these questions you pose are a symptom of fear of getting hurt. And so you self-sabotage by French-kissing random people. I wouldn't say you spit blood to find a girl. You're only 22 and you've mentioned couple of them in your post already. Think you're blowing this whole thing out of proportion. You're doing okay for someone who hasn't really tried that hard yet. And you've been rated as 'handsome' by many in that page you mention.
I'd chill if I were you. Go out more. And suck it up whenever you face a rejection. Rejection is not a proof of your worthlessness, people also reject out of fear, insecurities, unresolved issues with past lovers, sometimes they're just in a bad mood and don't feel like talking to a stranger or came to a club with a sole purpose to dance, not meet people.
What is truly unattractive is unhealthy low confidence, people taking rejection personally and dropping the mask of politeness and manners once they're faced with a no. Taking it personally is what is creating bitterness and bitterness is way more unattractive than 'skinny fat' whatever that is.

Now is the era of polygamic love, free sex,bisexual, etc. I'm not racist but christ, this is not freedom... it's freedom for who already had everything, but for others are just being escluded from the game.


What does any of this have to do with racism? :shock:
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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby xdude » Thu Aug 02, 2018 3:28 pm

Hey GuessWhat -

There is a lot to sort out, but everyone struggles with this, at 22, and much older, and sometimes we never do sort it out.

Is therapy a possibility? It would be just for you, and not to try to become what other's want (aka disregard what women want, what men want, to figure out what you want, and why you are struggling).

Personally I am fine with what you wrote, though on a personal level, I do think it was a mistake to kiss another woman, and so it's understandable she couldn't just accept it, but again, lots to sort out.

Funny how much we may spend on things, and appearances, but aren't willing to spend on something that may really help, sorting out what is going on in our hearts and minds.
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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby xdude » Thu Aug 02, 2018 3:40 pm

Hey bobok,

bobok wrote:I'd chill if I were you. Go out more. And suck it up whenever you face a rejection.

What is truly unattractive is unhealthy low confidence, people taking rejection personally and dropping the mask of politeness and manners once they're faced with a no. Taking it personally is what is creating bitterness and bitterness is way more unattractive than 'skinny fat' whatever that is.


Was this about what you do moment to moment, or what the OP should be in some imaginary world about how others should be?
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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby GuessWhat » Thu Aug 02, 2018 4:00 pm

@xDude, sorry pal' i have to go, i will answer you later.

pamelaperejil wrote:I don't think the way you look is the problem here.


I think it is just the start, what started everything.

bobok wrote:This here is your biggest issue, people don't wanna be around 'bitter' when there's so many fun confident people out there. Get rid of those negative feelings through sports or something and you'll notice the change in type of people you attract.


I was like this once, now I'm following a way for the anger managment and acting like a total kind guy... i mean, i have always been kind (others said this), but just with this issue that I'm trying to deal with. Anyway I tried with everything, taking walks, cooking, basics things like videogame and nothing... to me seems like just a way to avoid the fact i repel women.

bobok wrote:Being serious with someone involves not sticking your tongue in other people's throats. You complain about not being able to find a girl and once you actually do find one, the first thing you do is self-sabotage and cheat on her? Fear of intimacy right here.


I know, I did a mistake; i felt bad for months.
Anyway yes, I'm the first to say that I'm an idiot.. even for the fact that if I find one, i have to hold her close. But I don't know, anyway I really cared about her; I always offer everything 'cause she had not money and I wanted to go out with her, once I took my car and I ran to her 'cause she was sad.
Then she wanted to leave me for a stupid thing, and then I confessed about the kiss and she left me definitely. Then i tried again, but she was a wall and other things happened. Well, on May i said something wrong and she said that if i still thought to come back with her I was a stupid.

Sure I wasn't the best of guy, but I don't think to have been the worst neither, and most of bad things came after she dumped me up, so I was angry. Anyway, I really talked a lot for months like everywhere. So I will try to be short. xD Just sayin' that she wasn't the best too.

bobok wrote:This makes no sense. Everybody faces rejection at some point. Doesn't mean it will keep repeating. If it does happen, learn from it and leave it behind. Getting hung up on failures is a recipe for disaster.


Sure everybody gets rejections.. the quantity matters.
The worst for girls is like getting hot guys on tinder, being f**ked and then dumped up, which is bad, but men are like... ignored?
I got i-dont-know-how-many rejections, we are not machine, after few times hopes and self confidence go away.

bobok wrote:What does skinny fat mean? (I'm not a native speaker, sounds like an oxymoron)
Whoever says looks don't matter is a blatant liar, though your obsession with it seems unhealthy.
Not all girls want the stereotypical tall-dark-handsome boyfriend. Those that do will probably not want to be with you and that is fine, everyone's entitled to have their own criteria. Try keeping your criteria realistic and seek what you yourself have to offer.
I'm not a die-hard-fan of gym-muscles, it's plastic/trying-too-hard kind of beauty to me. I do like handsome, but in sort of a natural bohemian 'I don't give a crap what I look like but still do' kind of way. :lol:


Skinny fat means that you are skinny, but with some parts that look fat. You look flaccid, mine is a problem of too much skin. Check on google image.. i can't explain it better, sorry. lol
No, they all want that, just it is not said that they will get that kind of man, not for a long term story at least. Beauty is kinda objective.
I can deal that not everyone wants me, I mean settling for relationships is not that bad if you do it for your potential (i don't know if i'm clear), world works like this. But here it is a discussion about that you have nobody for a long period of time (one in 22 years?), if you find someone, even if the worst person in the world, you have to do the slave (don't take it litterally) for not being alone again .

What I have to offer? What do you mean? Material things? I don't have many of those.. you mean sentimental things? Those is what everybody can offer, and so we return on choicing for what makes you better than others: look.

Women's criteria are too much.. Having one girl 'cause she's the only one who cares about you, while she's having fun with who she wants to. You don't know how many times this happened

bobok wrote:Like I said - this here is the main issue. All these questions you pose are a symptom of fear of getting hurt. And so you self-sabotage by French-kissing random people. I wouldn't say you spit blood to find a girl. You're only 22 and you've mentioned couple of them in your post already. Think you're blowing this whole thing out of proportion. You're doing okay for someone who hasn't really tried that hard yet. And you've been rated as 'handsome' by many in that page you mention.
I'd chill if I were you. Go out more. And suck it up whenever you face a rejection. Rejection is not a proof of your worthlessness, people also reject out of fear, insecurities, unresolved issues with past lovers, sometimes they're just in a bad mood and don't feel like talking to a stranger or came to a club with a sole purpose to dance, not meet people.
What is truly unattractive is unhealthy low confidence, people taking rejection personally and dropping the mask of politeness and manners once they're faced with a no. Taking it personally is what is creating bitterness and bitterness is way more unattractive than 'skinny fat' whatever that is.


I quit trying hard after I got something like 20 rejections in a row.
I mean, i approach with girls as well now... but just if I see that she is interested too, if she talk with me for first, etc. If I'm not sure then i give up. Rarely I approach for first, if i'm drunk maybe, or if i know that girls and we had fun once. But sometimes they just become tired, and that hurt as well.
I mean, many are not interested, and the few that are interested can lose that state. lol


bobok wrote:What does any of this have to do with racism? :shock:


I explain bad myself. xD Just sayin' I don't hate poligamous love, bisexuality, sex freedom etc, but sure make things harder. Why someone should choose someone else with a low level, if with this things you can find someone else better in a blink?

Anyway I already made an appointment with a psychiatric, and for many i have low testosterone level, uff we'll see. I just know that I can't live well like this.
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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby bobok » Thu Aug 02, 2018 4:28 pm

xdude wrote:Was this about what you do moment to moment, or what the OP should be in some imaginary world about how others should be?


How we all should be I suppose. By rejection I mean any kind of failure. I'm a girl so I can't say I do the approaching first much, or not as directly, but have been dumped before (also a type of rejection) and I tried looking at it not as 'this must mean I am worthless' but as 'they want/need something else at this point in their life' as that is what goes on in my mind whenever the situation is reversed. Unmatching wants/needs, that is all.
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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby xdude » Thu Aug 02, 2018 5:22 pm

GuessWhat wrote:@xDude, sorry pal' i have to go, i will answer you later.


Take your time, when you are ready.

bobok wrote:How we all should be I suppose.


This is what the OP (Original Poster) is struggling with, the difference between what others want of him, and who he is. The 'who he should be', which is about what other's want of him, versus who he is and what he wants.

If you want to start a new topic though, of what you want/need, please do so (just click on the New Topic) button.

Promise to treat you kindly in your own topic, but this topic is for the OP, what he needs ;)
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Re: Angry with women and others

Postby bobok » Thu Aug 02, 2018 5:41 pm

This is what the OP (Original Poster) is struggling with, the difference between what others want of him, and who he is. The 'who he should be', which is about what other's want of him, versus who he is and what he wants.


I am not sure I fully understand the issue here, is it because I'm (also) writing from an opposing perspective, of someone who might have done the rejecting in the past? We all have at some point.
Few negative responses from girls seem to have demotivated him and further lowered his self-esteem, but he's clearly not doing that bad given that he's mentioned at least 2 girls in his OP.
Telling him not to take those rejections personally, or as proof of his worthlessness but of other person having different needs/wants is a healthy advice from my pov and was not in any way attempting to shift the focus away from OP.


If you want to start a new topic though, of what you want/need, please do so (just click on the New Topic) button.


I do know that, this isn't my first acc. :P
Thanks though.
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