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I need advice, please help

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I need advice, please help

Postby Sana4321 » Fri Jul 13, 2018 9:59 am

Hello guys, please someone hear me out and I'm hoping you'll answer my message. You probably won't even read or respond to this. But I trully really need your help and I just have to wish that someone would answer me.

So I read a story here about "I'm an internet liar" and it really touched me because honestly I have been through something like that now, I lied about my age and location and name to someone who i consider my best best friend, I really care about him a lot and I love him! We are very close friends now.
But I have been thinking about confessing this to him, I just don't know how to say it!
It's been hunting me and I can't continue like this, there are so many things I want to tell him but I just don't know how to write and start my confession letter because it's the hardest. So Please help me

I have been thinking about writing stuff like this: I really feel strongly for you but when I started on this app I wasn't taking it seriously and I lied about a lot of things... then I started to feel something for you and I've been too afraid to tell you about the real me. I feel terrible about this but I can't keep it up because it's not fair to either one of us."
I've lied about a lot of things, but not about how I feel for you

Please help me again I'm hoping you will answer me I wanna cry right now not telling him the truth is weighing me down. I'm really honest and I want him to know the truth. It was a bad mistake

Hoping someone will answer :(
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Re: I need advice, please help

Postby xdude » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:30 am

Hey Sana4321,

Heartfelt apologies are difficult, but can also heal a lot of what went wrong, for you too.

My only advice is that the apology come from a place of an honest understanding of the other person's point of view, and then it is up to them what to do with it. They may leave, they may become angry, they may later forgive, and sometimes not, but whatever happens, a heartfelt apology comes from a place of empathy (versus control, or manipulating to get something else we want), and then... leave it up to the other person to feel what they do.
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Re: I need advice, please help

Postby Holodeck » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:30 pm

You met him on an app and frankly, I think lying about personal info in situations like that is a wise decision until you know the person for sure isn't a complete nut. I don't believe anyone should freely lie about everything and they should stick to the truth when they feel it's alright. At the same time, there are crazy folks out there. Welcome to PsychForums! All teasing aside if he is an adult about that he should understand. It would be a great idea to say something like how there are no more lies coming from you.

If it's more than personal info he could easily be hurt and less trusting. He might become distant but it's a good idea to clear the air for two reasons. One is if he's your friend and you love him like you say, then you should respect him enough to tell the truth.

The other reason is if you feel this much guilt already then it'll eat you alive over time.

Bonus reason is you don't want the situation where he finds out and you are caught. You will both feel the relationship crumble. A miracle could happen but chances are if anything might have been it will end with both sides been haunted of what could have been. If you tell him sooner it still has a better chance of being salvageable.
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