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Was I dating a sociopath. I feel confused and abused.

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Was I dating a sociopath. I feel confused and abused.

Postby Moni1609 » Sun Jul 01, 2018 1:56 pm

Hi! I was in a relationship with a guy for 1 year and half, at first he chased me a lot, with constant texts and calls, he showered me with love, attention, gifts and expensive holidays. He said “I love you” during our first month together, he told me that all his exes were not like me, that I was special, beautiful, amazing, etc.
Then he stared to control me, he checked my phone even in front of me, forced me to put profile photos of us, accused me of cheating, tried to control my clothes, isolated me and every time that I went out with friends or family he would make a problem. Once he caught me in a white lie and he made me feel so guilty and bad that I went to his house in tears to ask him to forgive me. I got paranoid even hiding messages from my mom.
Then he started to ignore me, acting cold, he manipulated me so much that I started to believe that I was going crazy, I felt like a bad girlfriend. He also lied about everything.
Then he discarded me in a cold and cruel way, by phone and without explanation. He came back and told me a lot of things like “I was the love of his life” and then discarded me again by phone and the last thing he said to me was “I don’t know why I can’t stop hurting people, you need to stay away from me”

I feel really confused about that.
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Re: Was I dating a sociopath. I feel confused and abused.

Postby xdude » Mon Jul 02, 2018 1:12 pm

Hey Moni1609,

So we aren't qualified, or able to diagnose here. You'll only get personal opinions, and thoughts.

On a personal level then, that didn't make me think of sociopath, but I do think you may have met someone with a personality disorder.

The over the top extreme idealization of you (to start), followed by the control, and then the sudden ending it, as well as statements like “I don’t know why I can’t stop hurting people, you need to stay away from me” are red-flags for certain disorders.

If so... the hardest thing about these types of relationships is that the original idealization is so addicting that it can be hard to see it for what it is.

Where is your head/heart at now?
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Re: Was I dating a sociopath. I feel confused and abused.

Postby Moni1609 » Mon Jul 02, 2018 3:53 pm

Yes! That’s why I feel so confused. I am doing therapy and my psychologist told me that she believes he is an emotional psychopath and definetly am abuser but I have never met someone like him. I feel better everyday and I don’t feel the need of contact him or check his social media. I am stating to understand that it was an awful relationship and I feel like I didn’t even met the person.
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Re: Was I dating a sociopath. I feel confused and abused.

Postby xdude » Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:03 pm

Hi Moni1609,

This can also be a learning experience too. There are reasons why we fall for someone who flatters us, charms us. I don't know what an 'emotional psychopath' is/means, but these type of relationships will likely repeat if we haven't used the opportunity to understand our own part. Why did we fall for it? What was missing in ourselves?
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Re: Was I dating a sociopath. I feel confused and abused.

Postby Dahliaa » Mon Jul 09, 2018 7:05 am

Hello,

I read your post and I think your relationship is not good regardless of his condition. In my opinion, it is better you totally avoid him. It is very wrong to control others and that kind of person suddenly could turn to dangerous and also violent, I think. But I am not a professional.

I have a friend who has aspd but she is not like your former boyfriend at all. She sometimes is demanding and arrogant to the point of irritation. I mean others might become irritated. But she does not care for things which do not effect her in a big way. She does usually not try to control others, not openly anyway. She also is very seldom emotional, she usually does appear as a quite stable person.

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Re: Was I dating a sociopath. I feel confused and abused.

Postby Holodeck » Sat Jul 14, 2018 3:17 pm

Hi! I had an ex-husband like him.

Dahliaa wrote:I read your post and I think your relationship is not good regardless of his condition. In my opinion, it is better you totally avoid him. It is very wrong to control others and that kind of person suddenly could turn to dangerous and also violent, I think.


Completely 100% agree with this. A label of any kind isn't needed if it isn't a situation where the person isn't getting help. The conditions you described weren't ones anyone should have to deal with. Stay far from him and his irrational behavior. Even if he wasn't physically harming you he was mentally abusing you for sure through control, . If you don't know whether or not you were to blame where you are confused as to whether you were bad or you've heard him say you were so often you assumed you were...that's gaslighting.

You may have been caught with a white lie but here's the thing. He lied many times and I get the feeling it wasn't a big deal and you probably had a reason for wanting him to not know based on the behavior he exhibited. I'm basing an assumption off of experience though I understand it might simply be me projecting. Even if that's the case, he was being abusive through control, manipulating you by saying how great you were while using it to try to negate his flaws, getting jealous at anyone for any reason etc. That's an unstable character right there.

Get him as far out of your life as you can.
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