Need male and female imput in this one

Aj86 wrote:Noted. So IF she isn't faking anything and is being genuine then what's possibly keeping her from "getting on the dance floor with me?"

... i'm good ... but i'm not that good! there could be all sorts of things holding her back. for example: she may not feel that she's ready to jumps feet first into another relationship just yet.

Aj86 wrote:You saying I should back off(like I am already starting to do) and let her come to me?

... i'm saying that you should dial back your expectations, not necessarily your actions. if you're only doing things for her in the expectation of getting something, that's not a good thing. ultimately, that will lead to doubt and resentment. give only that which you can give freely and without expectation. in other words, don't ever try to own other people. this is an enormous mistake. people aren't property. we can't simply buy them with our kindnesses towards them. what they choose to give to us of themselves is just that, a gift. never give in the expectation of receiving and always be grateful for that which you are given. in this way you free yourself of needing to second guess people, which you've been doing in spades here, and you can simply relax and be yourself and let life bring its own rewards.

Aj86 wrote:Since I have started that she has called me in distressed from work (which I believe now to be 100% true because I have heard several other sides to what happened over the weekend at work) saying she needed to hear my voice (she has said on several occasions that I can calm her down and "reground" her). The second day was worse than the first, to the point I went to pick her up on break and drove her around and let her vent it all out which I honestly believe helped a lot because she was relaxed and smiling again by the time I took her back to work.

... games are games. me, i don't play games. i say and do whatever i believe to be right in that moment. in retrospect, i don't always get it right but i can at least say hand on heart that i meant to. in short, stop playing games. search your heart and choose what you believe to be right in that moment, and do it for that reason alone and nothing more. and, should you subsequently find that you were wrong, say so and thereby seek the forgiveness that you need to move on once more.

Aj86 wrote:I will add those who did wrong this past weekend have since been written up for their actions and wrong doings.

... this must be for someone else's ears, not mine.

I appreciate the input.

Hello again, now you have given more information and I get an impression she could be a little bit unstable. But I also think people are willing to tolerate different things. Maybe you do like emotionally unstable women. I am personally quite impatient so unstable people are not my thing really. I also do think your friendship is not equal which is not a good thing.

I have an idea for you. You need to find out if she is willing to invest in your friendship. I suggest you ask for her help with some thing which is important for you. I think it is better to choose a thing which is not too little or too big to do. She will want to help you if she does see you as an important friend.

Dahlia

Dahliaa wrote:I have an idea for you. You need to find out if she is willing to invest in your friendship. I suggest you ask for her help with some thing which is important for you. I think it is better to choose a thing which is not too little or too big to do. She will want to help you if she does see you as an important friend.

... i really do have to say that this is a classic example of playing games. unless you genuinely do have something that you need her help with, you shouldn't be contriving such things.

let it be. in the fullness of time you will know and without having to try to force the issue.

shock_the_monkey wrote:

Dahliaa wrote:I have an idea for you. You need to find out if she is willing to invest in your friendship. I suggest you ask for her help with some thing which is important for you. I think it is better to choose a thing which is not too little or too big to do. She will want to help you if she does see you as an important friend.

... i really do have to say that this is a classic example of playing games. unless you genuinely do have something that you need her help with, you shouldn't be contriving such things.

You misunderstood me totally. Of course I meant something he genuinely need help with. I do not like playing games either.

Dahlia

Dahliaa wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:

Dahliaa wrote:I have an idea for you. You need to find out if she is willing to invest in your friendship. I suggest you ask for her help with some thing which is important for you. I think it is better to choose a thing which is not too little or too big to do. She will want to help you if she does see you as an important friend.

... i really do have to say that this is a classic example of playing games. unless you genuinely do have something that you need her help with, you shouldn't be contriving such things.

You misunderstood me totally. Of course I meant something he genuinely need help with. I do not like playing games either.

Dahlia

... my bold. no, he needs to be himself. if she does, she does. and if she doesn't, she doesn't.

Perejil

I deal with a red flag everyday, and is it worth it ,you bet !!

Aren't all women "red flags" by default? Lol

Aren't all men pigs by default? Lol

Aj86 wrote:Considering what is known about her that I have stated what other possibilities can you all see/hear from the otherside of the perspective?

Being openminded: if she's not deliberately manipulative and if she's not unconsciously manipulative, then she's a slightly self absorbed woman with a flair for drama who's found herself in unfortunate circumstances.

It's your choice if you want a relationship with her (any kind of relationship). You're experiencing all this first hand while we're just a bunch of internet people. You may well have greater insight into yourself, her, and the situation than we do. You seem to be mature and composed in the face of criticism. Perhaps we're not doing you justice.

I would advise being real clear with yourself about why you're getting involved. Are you helping out a friend in need, are you investing in someone in the hopes it will turn romantic, are you helping yourself by engaging with someone who you feel a deep connection to? Those distinctions may not be important now, while you're still friends, but down the road... if she takes everything you've offered and still decides she doesn't want to "join you on the dance floor", are you going to be okay with that? If not, then don't risk more than you can afford to lose.

I would also make sure that you're comfortable communicating and asserting your boundaries, because it sounds like you may well need to.

In all fairness, I'm sure any number of people would consider me a "red flag".