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Attracting certain disorder types unintentionally

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Attracting certain disorder types unintentionally

Postby EluBelRaTemHarihara » Mon Feb 26, 2018 5:36 am

I am an Obsessive Compulsive male, as in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, not Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I'm heavily tattooed, good looking (I'm not trying to be vain or obnoxious, I don't compare myself to others, I'm just very confident in myself, which wasn't always the case; I imagine many of my new found friends reading this can empathise), introverted, and quite charismatic. I attract women easily, although many find me intimidating, presumably because I'm quite self aware so I usually figure people out pretty easily. For whatever reason I constantly, without any effort of my own (the last girl I was with, for example, initiated our conversing by messaging me on Facebook; we had friends in common but had never engaged before then) seem to attract women in the B cluster of personality disorders, usually with some variation/combinations of Histrionic, Borderline, or Narcissistic Personality Disorders. The isn't actually an issue for me if she is diagnosed, is owning her flaws, and is developing herself and is self-responsible. The problem is that I keep drawing in girls who are undiagnosed; these girls have no idea what they are really dealing with. They have attributed their Depression/Anxiety to anything from, well, depression and anxiety (duh) to PTSD or Bipolar Disorder. I know the first instinct of many of you will be to doubt my diagnosis, but because I have evolved so much and learned to control the OCD (part of my evolution has involved neurolinguistic programming, so I call it the OCD, not my OCD, it's not a part of me, it is something attached to my real self, which is separate) I am quite good at assessing people objectively. I also had, in chronological order, a Borderline best friend (diagnosed), and a Histrionic best friend (diagnosed with PTSD, but her HPD status couldn't have been anymore obvious), and both of these girls I interacted with romantically briefly before I decided it would be safer for me to not engage them romantically (I say this because I have a good feel for the cluster B disorders in a romantic context and can feel them out quite well). Lest I seem too sure of myself, I should say that I'm completely inept at spotting any personality disorders in any of the other clusters. We all have our strengths, and our weaknesses, right? I also run a mental health charity organisation, and I believe this causes me to appear particularly understanding, maybe it makes me seem "safe" for people who are struggling inside themselves.
Anyway, I have two questions, the first; can anyone help me to understand what I am doing to attract people who I have found to be, without any offensive intended, quite cold-blooded and predatory at worst, and manipulative and self-absorbed at best? I should say, again, I do not bear a prejudice against anyone with any B cluster personality disorder, in fact once they approach me I usually find them quite intoxicating (and thus would, as stated prior, be open to dating a woman with a B cluster disorder if she is committed to bettering herself and admitting her mistakes; so don't feel any enmity or offense, I come in peace).
The second; has anyone else, especially with OCD but also with other disorders, found themselves constantly unintentionally (and even, as in my case, possibly unwillingly) attracting men or women of a certain disposition/disorder?
This is my first post, so I'd also like to take the time to greet you all and wish you my love.
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Re: Attracting certain disorder types unintentionally

Postby Mumatthebeach » Tue Feb 27, 2018 3:28 am

Hey, good luck - just say no! My sister is OCD and she's had a really hard time with lots of stuff along life's way. She too is tattooed and attractive but she's always only gone for the care giver guy. Often it's a guy who isn't that attractive but loves and helps her. And yes PD guys always go crazy for her but she has never gone near them. I'd say no matter how hard it is create some dating boundaries - get to know someone first, take things slow and look for people with real empathy - it's worth it in the long run!
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Re: Attracting certain disorder types unintentionally

Postby EluBelRaTemHarihara » Wed Feb 28, 2018 10:49 am

Mumatthebeach wrote:Hey, good luck - just say no! My sister is OCD and she's had a really hard time with lots of stuff along life's way. She too is tattooed and attractive but she's always only gone for the care giver guy. Often it's a guy who isn't that attractive but loves and helps her. And yes PD guys always go crazy for her but she has never gone near them. I'd say no matter how hard it is create some dating boundaries - get to know someone first, take things slow and look for people with real empathy - it's worth it in the long run!

I'm not sure entirely sure how this site works, but I figure using the "quote" function might ensure you see this comment. I just wanted to thank you, sincerely, for your genuinely helpful comment as I think you are absolutely right. I definitely need to take things slow and not let others move things along at a quick pace, because, from your comment, I can see now that doing so prevents me from having the time to objectively assess them before emotions are involved and, of course, "love blinds". I've also come to realise I am codependent. I always thought codependent meant needy and clingy, due to the presence of "dependent". I am very independent and like my alone time, though I also thrive in social settings (extroverted introvert, apparently), so this caused me to shrug off any suggestion of codependency. I've since realised what it really means is a desire or even need to assert control, with good intentions, over others who I feel need it, often it manifests as simple support but the result is the same, it ends up causing me to overlook major warning signs and see them instead as indications that someone needs my help, distress signals, if you will. Just in case anyone else in a similar situation reads this; I'm currently going through Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" book, and am learning so much about myself and changing so many things it's blowing my mind. I recommend it to others, and I think I'll go on to read the rest of her books on the subject.
Again, thank you for your time, effort, and wisdom :)
Much love,
Nick.

-- Wed Feb 28, 2018 11:52 pm --

Oh, and also, I'm aware of the typos in my original post, as an OCD man with a grammar obsession I felt it necessary to dedicate a post to pointing that out, haha.
Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself and your neuroses.
Much love.
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Re: Attracting certain disorder types unintentionally

Postby xdude » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:48 pm

Hey EluBelRaTemHarihara,

EluBelRaTemHarihara wrote:Anyway, I have two questions, the first; can anyone help me to understand what I am doing to attract people who I have found to be, without any offensive intended, quite cold-blooded and predatory at worst, and manipulative and self-absorbed at best? I should say, again, I do not bear a prejudice against anyone with any B cluster personality disorder, in fact once they approach me I usually find them quite intoxicating (and thus would, as stated prior, be open to dating a woman with a B cluster disorder if she is committed to bettering herself and admitting her mistakes; so don't feel any enmity or offense, I come in peace).


This won't be the most popular thought, but most of us accept that a percentage of males are sociopaths/psychopaths. Less popular to believe, conceive of, accept, is that a certain percentage of females are too. Likewise no judgement involved, just suggesting a possible fact to ponder. Same as we accept that in a large population, there is a bell curve, and extremes on both ends, and women are not immune from personality extremes either.

Female sociopaths/psychopaths may express somewhat differently, and our willingness to see it is as a society is a factor. For example, nobody has any issue if I write 'I met a con man', but some will take issue if I write, and I met 'a con woman'. Outrageous! Women can only be kind! Anyway outrage aside...

I assume you want honesty, so honestly, it could be the tats are a factor. People are affected by what they see, and even if you are someone who believes you had them just for you, the reality is (if we are entirely honest), a portion of what we do is influenced by the reality that others are affected by what we do too. The tats communicate something to others too, something that likely will stir interest in females who are sociopaths/psychopaths, or ... the more common case, those who have a ?morbid? or primal attraction to males who have those traits.
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