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Outing A BPD or not?

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Re: Outing A BPD or not?

Postby mister37 » Mon Feb 19, 2018 8:54 pm

@ xdude

I know, I know... still can not believe I did all that for her..
anyway.. Almost 3 months with real NC. so far so good. As I understand... thinking about her will pop up from time to time. It's ok. keepin strong! thx! :wink:

@ shanzeek

Indeed! how powerful is that! :shock:

on another note,
working with the psychiatrist has brought me some insights on my state of mind and the way I am.
seems I am A Highly Sensitive Person. And I have a big issue with shame. Due to be overweight a big part of my life. This BPD lady did indeed bring all these core wounds to the surface. Working on that now, slowly on my own tempo. no rush...

The friend with benefits did some very good things for me. I lost a big part of that shame. It's ok to be different, we are not all perfect. We stopped seeing each other. And no real damage was done. We have no contact for now. Just to cool things down. We will be friends. that is for sure!

8) :)
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Re: Outing A BPD or not?

Postby mister37 » Wed Aug 01, 2018 8:23 pm

Hey guys.

Just checking in to say hello, and do a small update.

I've been doing very very good.
Time is indeed the trick to get back on your feet.
It is about a good year after ending construction in the house of the BPD girl.
and about 8 months that I had any contact with her.

I still think about her and all the stuff that I went true every day. But with no pain, and no suffering.
I wonder how she is, and how she is with her boyfriend. I feel a little bit of anger from time to time. but that is ok.

I've got a new girlfriend, who is fantastic. I can really talk to her, we have lots of fun. She is very supportive, beautiful, funny,... I feel great with her. She is making me a better person, taking me out of my comfort zone. Life is going fine, step by step.

I still go to my head-doc :P from time to time. He is also very happy with my progress.
I've lost a lot of weight last year, I gained some this year. But that's from the good life :lol:

I guess that is it for now.

Thank you guys for all the input.
I can only say to people going true similar experiences :

*get professional help.
*read about BPD
*start loving yourself --->> (mindfulniss)
*be easy on yourself, it's ok to feel anger, be sad, cry, ride the rollercoaster! It hurts! It hurts a lot!
Only time and all the above will get you back on your feet.

For those with BPD and other mental issues.... be strong. I do not blame you. Help is out there. Continue your path. :wink:

Thank you. <3

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Re: Outing A BPD or not?

Postby xdude » Thu Aug 02, 2018 2:14 pm

Hey man,

That was great to read. First, that you are feeling better, and second that you've met someone who is building you up too. I wish you the best going forward.

You are a good guy, and deserve to be cared for as much as you care.
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Re: Outing A BPD or not?

Postby mister37 » Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:45 pm

well hello!

It was too good to be true. :|
Ok, let me tell you guys a story.

(sorry for the long post)

The girl I was dating broke up with me.
I told her in the beginning that I had issues with myself.
She was fine with that.
She made me blossom, and we did really fun stuff togheter.
She always told me that I don't need to worry about my looks, She was happy
the way I looked. That gave me confidence.

So after a few months I gained some weight.
In fact, I was so happy that I did not really cared about my weight.
Now my new clothes don't fit anymore. That bummed me out. Big time.
My confidence started to vanish in thin air. The weight that I lost last year is
now halfway back.

We work at the same job. I've been doing this job for almost 10 years.
I don't make a super amount of money, but I really liked the job.
Last couple of years the workplace changed a lot. We went from about 100 to 200 people.
A new building. And lot's of nationalities. Some days I just had to talk to myself, because
the newer people don't really speak the language. At some degree, I'm fine with that.
But there have been days I had nobody to talk to. The rule is: In the workplace, you speak
the native language. Some do, some don't. And just laugh at the people in charge.

I could go on for an hour about the job, but that is not the point.
Usually after work we go and spend some time toghter. First half hour we talk about work.
Nothing positive comes out of that. I go in a negative spiral and this is going on for some while now.
All the frustrations at the job. It is no longer fun, the work is, but the people just suck.
I really need a new job. But I lack the confidence to do so.

I was about to leave that job, but then I met my girlfriend there.
Was feeling good, I saw her every break. But the last 2 months, the urge to leave was growing.
The frustration is back, and the negative spiral is spinning out of control. (almost there, keep reading :p )

In these last 2 months, my gf started birth control pills.
This was her choice. I was fine with condoms. But she wanted to try.
A month later, her hormones started doing weird things.
She did not take it well. She starded doubting our relationship. Asking me stuff like:
why don't you ever ask me how I'm feeling?
What relationship do we have?
Why this why that....and so on.

We had a good talk, and I started to be a little more gentle, and asked her at least 3 times in a week
how she was feeling. We never had problems with talking. And I never had to literally ask HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW ARE YOUR EMOTIONS...
She was happy with that. And all was good.

She's also looking for a new job, taking courses, thinking about her future.
Plus: listening, calling texting fb.... her best friend every couple of hours about
her friend that broke up with her boyfriend. It's like my gf is her relation therapist.
And I am ok with that. I even told her now and then, let her come over. Let's take her along, do a naturewalk....stuff like that.
I guess me and her being empath's takes the upperhand, and we let that friend call text..... even when I was giving my gf a christmas present she called.

OK, we are almost there. (sorry)

4 days after newyear, she wanted to talk. :shock:

"I feel drained, my friends tell me I am no longer that happy person I used to be"

"you need to love yourself more"

"I am not your psychologist"

"you need to work on yourself, and so do I"

On that note...we broke up. :roll:

We had a long talk. And I think she is right.
I really need to work on myself again, mind and body.
I understand her frustrations with me.

Now for the plus side:

I got a new job. YES!!!! :mrgreen:
I made new appointments with the shrink
I am on a diet and work out again.

She really made me think. And have me the kick in the ass to move forward.
That is a reaaaaaaalll good thing. :!:

The sad part:

That night we talked and talked, about our connection, about the spark we have.
(I'm not that big of a fan about the LOVE word so soon in the relationship. But yes, love came along the conversation as well.) People give me so much compliments on how we shine together.
I wanted to build a future with her, she told me the same thing.

Now here is the thing.

She does not see her side of the story.
Ok I need help, mind and body....
But she did not see that she started the pill and stopped after a short 2 months.
Her hormones did some weird stuff with her...mood...and so on.
She did not mention her friend that is calling texting....for 4 months now.
She did not mention her stress about looking for a job, her current job, her state of mind in general.

We both agree we have very good times, romantic, fun, good sex... all good.
But that was not enough for her.
She wants to be that happy girl again.

So now I am at an impasse.

Should i give her some space, (we do not talk for now on her request)
Im kinda afraid to bring the stuff up about the pill, her friend (that is happy now that my ex gf is 100% at her disposal for the girltalks)
her job, her state of mind....

Any advice?

I am very sorry for the long post, I did my best to keep it short.

Best regards
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