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Can an unstable relationship with dad not mum cause RAD

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Can an unstable relationship with dad not mum cause RAD

Postby Lois79 » Wed Nov 13, 2019 11:11 am

Hi I've just joined, I have two children with special needs, 7 and 5, both show some autistic traits, demand avoidance, speech delay, developmental delays, Sensory Processing needs, social communication difficulties. My daughter 7 was assessed for ASD but it was diagnosed, despite the fact it was acknowledged she showed traits. Early childhood trauma was blamed instead. The biological father was an alcoholic and mentally unstable, mentally but not physically abusive to me. This all ended when I kicked him out when my daughter was three and my son 6 months. The children have not seen the father for the last 4 years, however they have a stepfather, my husband, who they have a close relationship with and see as their dad. Both children have always had a very strong bond with me, and I've always used a Nurture style of parenting with them, responded to their needs physical and emotional.

My daughter has had a very difficult time at school, school is where her difficulties are most pronounced, and it has been a longterm battle with the school to ensure they are supporting her appropriately. Recently it was suggested to me by a social worker that my daughter probably has Attachment Disorder. I have since read up on RAD, but I've noticed that everything written about it is focussed on the mother or on the 'primary caregiver', claiming that it is the lack of a healthy bond with the primary caregiver that causes RAD. This makes little sense to me regarding my own children, I've always been their primary caregiver and we've always had a strong healthy bond and loving relationship. So I just wanted to ask on here if this sounds like RAD, and if anyone knows if it is possible or likely to develop RAD even though the bond with the primary caregiver/mother was not problematic, but the bond with the father was?

The only other explanation I can think of, is the fact that my daughter spent the first three weeks of her life in hospital hooked up to a heart monitor and being alternately tube fed and bottle fed (by me), however I stayed in the hospital with her and spent every waking hour with her, I fed her every two hours during which time i was allowed to hold her, and when she was back in the incubator I made sure i talked to her constantly so she knew I was there. But perhaps this was the trigger for RAD?
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Re: Can an unstable relationship with dad not mum cause RAD

Postby realityhere » Fri Nov 15, 2019 12:06 am

When you write of ASD, are you referring to Autism Spectrum Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder? Just asking for a clarification.

I wouldn't take a social worker's comment about attachment disorder or RAD seriously. That person doesn't have the qualifications or expertise to suggest such disorders. If you're really concerned about your daughter possibly having RAD, then have her evaluated by a psychiatrist who specializes in pediatric attachment disorders. Her behaviors stemming from the various disorders that she already has will have to be taken into account and precluded from an attachment disorder diagnosis. It will not make for an easy diagnosis, if indeed the psychiatrist's evaluation leads to an attachment disorder diagnosis.
We don't delete posts, so think twice before clicking "submit".
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Re: Can an unstable relationship with dad not mum cause RAD

Postby Lois79 » Sun Nov 17, 2019 1:53 pm

Thankyou, ASD refers to autism Spectrum disorder, she hasn't been formally diagnosed with anything at all, despite years of assessments from various professionals, but the professionals such as they are recognise that she has needs in the areas of social communication, control, speech delay, developmental delays, anxiety, sensory needs. Nobody can seem to agree or commit to a diagnosis of anything though which has left us and the school in a no mans land. I will take the social worker's ideas with a pinch of salt, in my experience they know shockingly little about special needs of any kind, but I thought it was worth considering at least. My daughter has got CAMHS involvement at the moment, so I might talk to them about it and see what they think
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