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Searching for a mother figure

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Searching for a mother figure

Postby Bagpuss70 » Tue Jul 31, 2018 2:52 pm

I have a problem. For years I've been getting attached to older women. This always ends in disaster as the woman on the other end usually finds me too much.
At the moment it's a lady in my drama group. This has been going on nearly 3 years. As I'm afraid of saying and doing the wrong thing, I've found it hard to form a friendship. I communicate with her mostly on text and email. Most of it has been initiated by me. Recently my attachment has been upsetting me, as I can't seem to get close and form a normal healthy friendship. She calls me a friend or sometimes a 'special' friend (whatever that means).
I decided to email her lately, partly on the advice of someone we both know, to tell her that I think I need to take a step back from the friendship as I feel it is unhealthy. I even told her I have a history of getting attached to older woman, and that often the other person turns their back on me as they find me too much.
Twice I emailed her in a week as she didn't seem to get what I was saying. She said did understand but didn't want to lose my friendship for good as she enjoys it. She agreed to what I said that for a couple of months at least we should keep contact to a minimum (ie. Just hi and bye). I avoided drama group following week but week after, she followed me to the kitchen to say she wasn't making conversation but just wanted to say something. She told me she was going for an operation soon. I said I was sorry to hear that, and then left kitchen saying I hope it goes well. The next week she did the same again.
I have no willpower, so we've ended up talking, I've texted, emailed and have visited her home.
INow the attachment is upsetting me again, because I feel needy and frustrated.
I needed her to do her bit by staying out of my way too. I don't understand why knowing the way I am, she didn't do this.
Done therapy. I've basically been told I need to meet more people. I told this woman I was thinking of joining another local group too where they have lots of members. But she's tried dissuading me from this.
I would have thought she would welcome the break from me and also as my 'friend' would encourage me to spread my wings.
She's always been very kind to me, which is part of the attraction.
Leaving wouldn't solve the problem. Shall I just talk to the others and just try once again to keep contact to a minimum?
Bagpuss70
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