My soulmate has RAD

Hello folks,

I hope I do not discourage anyone from commenting with such a long initial post.

I am hoping to interact with people to gain insight and support for someone who has RAD.

I only recently realized what this person suffers from. I described some behavior and a friend used a couple of terms that sent me Googling, Attachment Disorder and Displaced Anger. I found a website listing 12 characteristics of Attachment Disorder and it described this person precisely.

This person is my soulmate. Not only do I care about her, I love her deeply. There is empathy and vivid telepathy between us. She broadcasts crystal clear. I am able to receive it clearly. 100 yards away I look to meet her eye contact. I can hear the essence of her thoughts and feel her emotions with those thoughts, the empathy. It is the idea conveyed not requiring words. It is absolute truth with no distortion. She does not realize what she is doing. She is not attuned with her deeper self while I am one with my own. I am not sure how much she picks up from me but I can get her attention just looking at her when she is unaware I am around as though I called her name.

I feel we were brought together for her to heal and of course there are benefits for me as well. I have a persistent love for this person which has endured many assaults as a consequence of her condition. Anyone else would have walked if not run away by now. I can forgive her easily. I am willing to learn and adapt. Now that I have a concrete idea of what is going on with her I have a better chance of dealing with her effectively.

The friend suggested I start therapy on my own which I think is a great idea. She has been challenging. I also realize I may not be as healthy as I believed but I am solid, stable and consistent which she could benefit from. My case may be within a "normal" range but I have lived with repercussions from neglect as a child. I would have participated in her therapy if called upon but it would be good to pursue it on my own regardless. I have needed a knowledgeable sounding board as I dealt with her behavior.

I know we are connected at the heart. I know I matter and have her interest. No doubt she is very attracted to me. This is irrefutable through empathy and telepathy. But due to early abuse she has issues with love. I learned the hard way how fearful she is after I told her how I felt about her. The way she managed to gain control of me and the situation was nothing short of genius. She feels I am wrapped around her finger. She needs to feel in control. I need her to feel how she needs to while not losing control of my own life.

Comments, insights and suggestions would be welcomed.

Hi, I'm a female over 30 with "suspected" RAD. (I tick every symptom box, yet don't trust doctors enough to get officially labelled ugh). I really just want to thank you- your soul mate is so lucky. You know what she needs and you are providing it. You have requested insights and such, and I want to offer some from my own perspective. Never let her know you are letting her remain in control- it could be taken as a huge insult, or it could be appreciated- there is no way to know without jumping in feet first and bracing yourself. There may never be a right time to reveal all of your insights to her. RAD people build strong and intricate walls and we do not like them deconstructed! "If one person can get through my defenses, anyone can...I must strengthen them" *meltdown, chaos, aggression*

Your post implies she doesn't know she is RAD. When I realized that is likely my problem (it's undeniable to me, having lived as myself and seen how I am). She may crumble, or go into denial. (In my case I crumbled, there was no room for logical denial.) She basically needs to realize on her own. People had been telling me I 'have issues' for years but never did it go down well, til I found the info by myself. Sometimes I'm relieved to know what is wrong, but that is quickly overtaken by the seriousness of what is wrong...arg!

The root of RAD is feeling profoundly unsafe due to a variety of reasons right? So we NEED to feel safe, need it like we need to breath. We need it so much we take the most unpleasant set of personality tools we can get and use them mercilessly against others.

The fact that you are connected at the heart bodes so well for her- you won't have that wall to get past I wish my other half was half as understanding as you.

Sorry if my post was difficult to read in any way, I bounce from point to point in no logical order at times and constantly doubt my sentence structure etc! (Blame my silly trauma etched brain)