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Feet not so firmly planted :(

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Feet not so firmly planted :(

Postby TheMaleficentOne » Tue Sep 27, 2016 8:07 am

Hi folks,
New to the forum & looking for help from like minded people.
Ok so I will keep this as brief as possible & won't bore you with the basic details everyone seems to understand that comes with RADs.
So I am 28 years old & have a long history of trust issues, horrible anxiety, & depression. I was abused mentally & physically as a child & struggled (still struggle with it at times) with it for a long time. I am currently going through a divorce that is ending a 9 year marriage :( which is absolutely gut wrenching for me. I was recently diagnosed with RADs after I checked myself into the hospital for considering suicide. The diagnosis has explained a lot & put a name to the beast I have fought for so long. But I also feel like knowing has brought me grief too.
I really am struggling with dealing with this issue. I am a ball of nerves. I feel like a bad fall off a cliff blindfolded, u know the hit is going to happen at some point but u have no idea when & u spend that whole way down thinking & over analysing it. At this current moment my biggest issues seem to be the trust issue & the anxiety. They seem to fuel each other.
My divorce has seem to only make both worse. He was the one person I trusted in this world & he completely wrecked me, my world, & my mind. I already questioned everyone & everything, but he helped anchor me. Now I am anchorless & was completely betrayed by him. Now I find myself obsessively questioning everyone. Thinking everyone is lying to me, using me, & afraid to tell me how they really feel. I think about it so much I wonder if I am crazy or messed up. I keep everyone at a good safe distance & always make sure I have a way out of relationships of any kind. I really am tired of seeing others seem so carelessly happy & I can't even make it 5 minutes without thinking about how someone might be lying to me & if this person is going to hurt me. I'm so tired of feeling alone in all this but I trust no one to really understand this. I want to be I can't.
I know I was messed up before the divorce, I was trying to get help & he abandoned me because I wasn't focused on him for once in my life. I wasn't worth helping in his eyes even after 10 years of me selflessly throwing my all into his happiness. I stayed through him belittling me, controlling me, & finally being physically attacked.
Now I'm just totally messed, everyone is a suspect in a crime they may never commit.....but what if they do.
Ugh I'm rambling. Anyways, trying to get more info on rads & learn was to deal with this beast!
TheMaleficentOne
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Re: Feet not so firmly planted :(

Postby Nambo » Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:47 pm

I wonder if those of us with RAD are so much more in need of an idyllic relationship, the sort we needed as a child, but didn't get, that we now put relationships on a pedestal, want them to be the perfect things they are not, whereas those who had a stable childhood, they are so firmly planted in themselves, that relationships are not so important to them, that they do indeed "use" people whereas we "need" people.
I think you will find most people don't actually care about other people that much to bother lying, unless its for their own benefit.
I have found it very easy to consider myself invisible in this world, people who tell lies don't consider me worth interacting with so I don't encounter them. Or if I do I don't even notice it or care so such people will move on to somebody they can use to their advantage maybe?
Its a lonely old life though, but safe.
Nambo
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