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I got the wrong "Book of Rules"

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I got the wrong "Book of Rules"

Postby Oldmom » Fri Apr 11, 2014 4:42 pm

I always felt like I must have been issued the wrong book of "Rules on how to Live" ! I do everything I think I'm supposed to - I'm a good listener, I'm kind, giving, nurturing, non-judgemental, understanding, empathetic ... but none of that seems to "work" for me, in terms of friendships / relationships. I seem to "rub people the wrong way" - and I'm often baffled and clueless why. So now that I am old, I just refuse to be let myself be hurt any more. I know I'm a good person. I really do - I would like to have a friend like me. But I realize now that you can't make people love you, and if people don't accept you for who you are, then there is nothing you can do about it. So I just don't give a damn. Not any more.
Just yesterday, it occurred to me to look up information on how infant bonding (or lack thereof) affects adult personalities and relationships. Viola' - it appears that I have every single sign of avoidant attachment disorder. I certainly have the history - let's just say I was "raised by a village". And I thought that was a good thing! : ) * Note: ironic and snarky humor has always been my crutch. Can anyone relate?
I choose to only see the good. In my family, myself, and others. Knowing that it is POSSIBLE, that what I have always expected - that indeed, I WAS issued a different "book of RULES" - due to my family situation, is actual a FREEING feeling. I can see how no matter how hard I try, nobody will ever love me and accept me, and that's fine. Really. Because it's hard-wired, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. After a lifetime of asking myself "what is wrong with me?" - I now think I have the answer.
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Re: I got the wrong "Book of Rules"

Postby Nambo » Fri Jun 06, 2014 11:37 pm

It.s good that you have found out that there is a reason for your state of affairs and that it is not your fault.
I myself also tried to be a lovely person thinking I had to try really hard where as in fact this has the opposite effect, I would be told by people I was too nice.
Still, to late now, I do take consolance in the fact everybody likes me and I can bring some good to a wicked world, I have been told I am the nicest person ever met, which s nice, but lonely.
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