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Wife is RAD

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Wife is RAD

Postby chalki » Sun Dec 08, 2013 4:39 am

After more than 10 yrs of marriage, I can finally understand a little of what is happening in my marriage. I think I can relate to others reasonably well. My wife changed dramatically just before we married. I thought it was nerves about marrying for a second time. Now I know it was RAD raising its ugly head. My wife has not bonded with me after all this time and shows many of the avoidance RAD characteristics. But there are no Adult RAD resources or therapies. She refused marriage counseling yrs ago. Is there a book about Adult RAD therapy that will help me? Please help if you can.
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Re: Wife is RAD

Postby chalki » Fri Dec 13, 2013 4:53 am

OK, no responses. For anyone who is reading this and has a RAD adult partner, this is what I have discovered so far. Firstly I cannot find any relavant advice. Secondly, I have started treating my wife like a RAD child and I have seen a marked improvement in both her apparent level of contentment and the quality of our relationship. Treating her as a RAD child sounds very patronizing but time and again I see her acting out and I would not be able to handle it if I didn't label it as RAD. I can respond to her in a way you wouldn't normally respond if a regular adult showed such behaviour. It seems crazy but it works for both of us. I have not discussed RAD with her, she is paranoid of therapy and being judged. She lived with her grandparents from 2 to 8 yrs old. She said she was very happy during this time, but I feel very sorry for her for the heartache she must have experienced in those early years. This helps me to cope when I am confronted with such blatant RAD behaviour. It is early days yet. I don't know if I can keep it up or if things keep working. Only time will tell.
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Re: Wife is RAD

Postby Ghost147 » Fri Dec 13, 2013 5:11 am

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but if your assessment is correct, then it appears you're doing the right thing. If you're noticing an improvement in your relationship - from both ends - then I can't see your actions as being anything but positive. It would help the community respond better if you'd be able to give us a little more information. Since she currently has no diagnosis but yours, perhaps other members on the forum could assist with the matter if she does indeed relate to their condition, too.

Unfortunately, I'm not knowledgeable with the phenomenon, so I wouldn't be much help.
"A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at."
~Bruce Lee
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Re: Wife is RAD

Postby Cypressraven » Sun Feb 03, 2019 9:28 pm

I have rad as well and I'm 31 I'm a female and I've been with my husband for 17 years apparently my rad got worse two years ago you're not the only one out there and yes if you search for rad in adults you will find help
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Re: Wife is RAD

Postby RADicalChaos » Tue Feb 05, 2019 4:08 pm

Hi...I am a RAD female in the mid 30's who was fortunate enough to gain self awareness of my RAD and of the cause. It may sound patronizing to some; to be treating your wife as a RAD child, but actually, it is the right thing to do. A RAD adult, is a "GWC" (grown wounded child). We are stuck in loops because of brain wiring that occurred before the age of 36 months. It is a VERY cruel disorder. If you would like to discuss it further, feel free to drop me a private message. I am happy to offer insights and some personal experiences, and some tips (that may or may not work depending on the individual).

Well done for being aware enough to spot this in your wife.
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