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Temporal lobe epilepsy?

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Temporal lobe epilepsy?

Postby Dostoyevsky1 » Sat Aug 06, 2016 9:10 pm

I had a series of mental breakdowns from the ages 13-18. I was put on welbutrin when I was 13 after I became depressed due to a death in the family. I wasn't cooperative with taking my welbutrin everyday and would hide my pills and go weeks without and then weeks on it whilst my psychiatrist continued to raise the dosage not knowing I wasn't taking it regularly. I started having fainting spells and intense mood swings as well as out of body experiences. I remember walking home from school and suddenly feeling an ominous change in the atmosphere and my body started vibrating and my mind started racing and I completely separated from my body and watched myself collapse onto the side of the road. The next thing I know I'm standing in my kitchen and the last thing I could remember was collapsing on the road. My mom was yelling at me and accusing me of taking drugs as I was apparently stumbling and slurring my speech. I felt as if I was in a dream like state for the rest of the day and laid in bed crying because I was scared I was going crazy. I eventually stopped taking welbutrin and felt normal for about a year.

When I was 16, I became depressed again after ending an abusive friendship with an older guy. I was put on Celexa and was raised to 60mg within 3 months. After the three month mark I became absolutely hysterical. I would have intense rapid mood swings followed my brief episodes of jamais vu and slight memory loss. I find I would become near panicking upset over small things only to suddenly forget why I was upset and feel like my surroundings were unfamiliar and ominous. After weeks of this I became delusional. I accused the friend I had a falling out with of drugging and raping me and possibly tampering with my memories. I also was convinced I was a prophet of some sort and that I was attracting the attention of demons who were poisoning my mind and launching psychological attacks on me. I eventually started having episodes where I'd feel like there was a tornado of racing thoughts in my mind and electricity coursing through my body. And it got to the point where I began having both visual and auditory hallucinations; my racing thoughts began to detach themselves from my mind and take on an unfamiliar voice repeating what I was thinking in a frantic voice mostly screaming "Help", "I'm Scared" and "something's wrong" exactly before having an out of body experience followed by memory loss (which fed into my delusions). I also hallucinated walls breathing and rooms distorting and there were two times where I looked at my hands and they looked blurry and mangled and one time I moved my arm one way to reach for a wall to lean against during one of these episodes and I watched my arm kind of "glitch" and then move the opposite way. I was terrified at all times, and was convinced the only way out was to commit suicide and eventually I was hospitalized.

I started taking risperdal for the hallucinations which worked although I still felt uneasy and upset all the time so my psychiatrist switched me off Celexa and onto lithium, thinking that I was Bipolar. I couldn't stomach lithium and was switched into lamictal which completely saved my life. I felt like I was waking up after years of being in a coma. Although I noticed my personality had changed? I felt different almost as if I completely changed identities almost like DID and now was in a body and life that was not mine. I have compulsive behaviors such as I feel surges of energy in my mind and I draw in very small detail and I feel like I have to cover the entire page and leave no blank spaces. If anyone interrupts me I become furious and have outbursts. I still have trouble controlling my emotions and often feel like I'm experiencing the world and my emotions in a third person, as if I'm observing myself trough a stranger's perspective. I recognize the person I used to be as a completely different consciousness and I find If I try to think about my past memories I become overwhelmed by feelings of dread and I feel as if I'm watching someone else's memories on a projector screen. I have vivid lucid dreams and at times I truly believe a divine power visits me in dreams and I have reoccurring dreams and speaks to me through my subconscious and my drawings. Ive never done any drug in my life but I am often accused of being an lsd user due to my beliefs and manner of speaking. I can talk for hours on end about the universal mind that speaks through me. I believe my brain was rewired to a conceptual mainframe of reality rather than being connected to the human collective subconscious.

I was analyzed by a neuropsychologist last fall, who was originally just testing me for a learning disability so I can get services in college. He told me I was showing distinct signs of geschwind syndrome and an "interictal personality" rather than showing symptoms of a psychotic, mood, or personality disorder (although schizotypal was brought up as a possible diagnosis for me). He also even said that he suspects I may have a savant like syndrome with my drawings. I recieved multiple eegs but I was on 200mg of lamictal during them. They reported no current seizure activity but found slowing of brainwaves in my temporal lobes and my neurologist was concerned because there was more slowing almost excessive slowing in my anterior temporal lobes (I think that's what he said?). He said that there's signs of damage in my temporal lobes and that my episode was most likely an extreme reaction to the years of ssri use, which he said are shown to trigger epilepsy,mania, and psychosis in people with a disposition. They said my eegs were non convulsive and that it's unethical to take me off my anti convulsant and to recreate the episode I have and thus they can't diagnose me with epilepsy. My mom believes I have munchausen and that I subconsciously fabricated my episode as a cry for help. The more I think about that the more I believe it. That time seems dream like and foreign to me and I'm begining to doubt it ever happened. I feel crazy. Does this sound like TLE or is it possible this is a fictitious disorder or personality disorder or psychotic disorder?
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Re: Temporal lobe epilepsy?

Postby Ada » Thu Aug 11, 2016 8:11 pm

Welcome to the forum. :) Just to let you know that. Due to our forum rules. No one here can offer a diagnosis.

However I would say that families VERY often. Have a vested interest in their family member not having any mental health issues. Many are judgemental and unsupportive. Even if you did have Munchausen. That's still a genuine issue. A cry for help is. Well. Asking for help! That shouldn't be treated like it's a bad or negative thing.

I'm sorry if this seems like a silly question. But what would you like to be different about your mental health now? From what you wrote. It seemed like you might have some anger management or obsessive issues. That you'd like to tackle. Have I understood that right? Are there other things too?
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.

Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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