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My frequent  male rape experience *TW*

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My frequent  male rape experience *TW*

Postby Paopao70 » Sat May 20, 2017 4:12 pm

Hello,
I am a 61 years old Japanese man. ( Sorry for my inadequate English.) I used to be a heterosexual man long time. I had girl friends and happy marriage for 21 years.
My wife passed away on Oct. 10th, 2014.

I reminded frequent male rape from age 13 till 15 = 3 years. Then , I could not masturbate on my genital. Now I am only getting sexual satisfaction only by anal masturbation. Suddenly, I could not have sex with my girl friends, whom divorced or lost husband inn these 30-40 years. Even I could not feel sexual attraction from female friends after I reminded this issues.

It was changed two years ago when I reminded that I was frequently raped by men when I was 13 years old. (48 years ago.)

At first he threatened me with a knife and pull me into a empty space with unused house and a garden with block wall with small broken space that allow one person could enter at once.

He gave me enema three times. He pulled me down on the grass. He told me that obey me, then you(I) can get heaven's sensation or die. He inserted  one finger gentry with vaseline and massage inside of rectum. He told me that real masturbation's way is this. Trust me and try it every night when my mother is in asleep. (He knew my name, address, and I only had mother. And I knew he even knows phone number of my home.)

He gradually expand my anus and finally insert his penis to my rectum. Now I think he knew a lot of boys before he raped me. Because he used plenty of Vaseline and time to relax my anus, so NO PAIN at first time. Even my body felt as good as in heaven  it was betray my mind. He inserted me face to face position with my knees high to my shoulders.

I ejaculate first time in my life only by receiving anal sex. It is my stigma. But he was so excited and pleased . It's my first time. He told me let's enjoy every week.

He released me with no harm, even he gave me some money and told me "Buy Vaseline and enema and enjoy yourself.".

He called me approximately one week later. He knew that I was going to private school. And ordered me to wait at the station.
I escaped from back entrance of my school and use next station to back home.

Next morning I found that one of my school trousers cut just under my penis to me right knee. I got a call from him and he told me"I shall cut your penis off if I escape next time. Then you can only ejaculate by rectal massage by penis. It will be VERY painful entire your life, because balls remain on my body and need frequent ejaculate at my teenage and 20th even 30th. I would beg to him to penetrate me every day, Is it your wish?".

I went to police next morning with a best friend, and told policemen about my story. But policemen said that you haven’t heart yet. I have not heard that man cut off boy’s penis in train.. Please back to your school. Otherwise I will call your teacher. I found out policemen are useless. I thought I have to obey the order or I lost my penis.

I was no way to escape and I went to his large apartment in next station from my school. But his area was down town of the large city that is area of prostitution and drugs and gangs at that time.
He lived with another short hair man. That new man told me " You are the son of female extreme writer whom writing about Women's Liberation that we really hate. You will be our sex slave till your mother stopped writing about Women's Liberation.".

I was raped every week or twice a week 3-4 hours till I ejaculate by rectal insertion only. They took many pictures including penis inside my anus and my sperm on my own body of the exact timing of my ejaculate by anal insertion only. (My hands were cuffed .)

Every time they used enema 3-5 times till water get clean and extra enemas every hour. They used plenty of vaseline.
They ordered me to DO NOT MASTURBATE till next time for my erection and ejaculate every time with their insertion to my rectum.

It last THREE years. My mother loved my sister but me. She did NOT care about me at all.

They told me "Poor boy when I graduate the school. Find good partner. We doubt that you can still love girls. We believe that your body remember men's penis sensation.”.

I forgot this almost 45 years till my wife died at 10th of October 2014.

Then, I suddenly reminded this stigma of my life. And I could not Ejaculate since this memory came back. 
I spent a  lot of money to have date with my ext  girl friends whom divorced or lost her husband, .

But, I always failed to have sex with any females.
It was huge pain when I felt to ejaculate but my penis did not respond to my hand job, yet I have hard on while I'm sleeping and sleep get thin or awake. Still no response to my hand masturbation any technics.

I asked to  three Phycological Doctors / Proffessors, but none of them cure me or even a bit of help.

Finally I got ejaculation after playing with relatively large and long Dildo for more than 90 minutes.
I found myself as a 61 years old gay man whom receive penis only. (I love large penis as I received normal penis when I was small! )

One of professors told me that I must forget about the issue, then I would recover from this PTSD.
One professor told me that sexuality is all normal for human. Asked me to accept to live as a gay man….

Do anyone have similar experience?
Also, does anyone bas a informtionn to recover from my type of PTSD to back to heterosexual that I used to be belong.

Thank you very much for reading this long story.
I appreciate it.

Thank you.
Last edited by quietgirl2538 on Sun May 21, 2017 1:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: added TW
Paopao70
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