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recovering from rape and my ex who blamed me

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recovering from rape and my ex who blamed me

Postby ruleac0 » Thu Feb 02, 2017 12:24 am

Hi I’m new to this forum and would love any advice anyone can give me. Here is my story in a nut shell.
I met my ex boyfriend in college. We dated for two years and he suffered from depression the entire time. The very beginning of the relationship was good, there were some signs of red flags but of course being young and in love did not allow me to see those. Fast forward to 8 months into dating he tried to commit suicide. From then on I was always trying to make him happy. I put aside my happiness for his. I felt like I had to be emotionally stable for both of us, but I did it because of my love for him. His depression got worse over time and started to come out as aggression and he started to drink a lot. He drank at work, in the morning, between work and on weekends. Needless to say he was diagnosed with substance abuse disorder and had to go to rehab. I moved to new York for grad school last year and had an unfortunate event happen to me where I was raped by an acquaintance. My boyfriend at the time was not supportive. He completely blamed me for what happened, told me the incident seemed shady called me a liar, told me he hated me amongst other things. I broke up with him then and there. For a year I have kept in touch with him and considered taking him back but he has been continuously verbally abusive and demeaning when hes drunk. Its very overwhelming because he makes me feel bad for not forgiving him. hes been in rehab around 9 times, has had several seizures etc. his mother even blamed me at once point and told me I caused his alcoholism and that I was evil, which really hurt. Currently he has a new gf and wants to be friends I told him no but I still feel bad for some reason that I should be there. I know he was not good to me but I have thoughts of how I wish he would change for me. He broke me and betrayed me by not being there for me and I haven’t forgiven him. I don’t expect him to wait for me to forgive him but I also feel worthless at times from his emotional abuse and now that he has a new gf I wonder why wasn’t I good enough? Was I not good enough to change for? Should I have forgiven him and taken him back? I hope one day to heal from my assault and his emotional and verbal abuse but any honest advice would help or if anyone has a similar situation they’ve dealt with I would love to hear how you got through. Thank you
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Re: recovering from rape and my ex who blamed me

Postby alexa99 » Thu Jul 11, 2019 2:11 pm

I know how it is. For me, was the same. When I was raped, my boyfriend said it was my fault and I could fight more and to prevent the rape. I was by his side everytime he had problems. But that did not matter. For a while I thought he is right. But he doesn't. He had to support me, to be with me, to try to make me feel better.
In your case, I think you were not kind, you were like an angel for him during all his problems. You deserve his gratitude and his love. If he can't feel that, is his problem. I think is better for you without him.
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