Do you still get PTSD effects after a long time?

Hi everyone,

I'm just...having a bad day a little bit. 3 years ago I started dealing with what happened to me(about year and a half after I had been raped). That was a very dark time with PTSD, anxiety, depression and just bad, bad time...But I have slowly, in different multiple steps made my life a lot better, eventually.
I'm still working on it, of course, but at this point, I just get a panic attack here and there. The last time I had flashback or nightmare was a while ago. But it does happen from time to time, I do still get those absolutely illogical reactions from time to time. That felt normal when I was complete emotional mess and still facing everything, but now my life is good. And it really throws me off when I have a full blown freak out connected to what I was through. I had one 10 days ago, but I had a lot of nice changes happening in my life at the time, so I thought I'm totally cool with it. But I keep thinking about it, and it does get me down sometimes, like tonight. I end up *not* thinking about it, but getting extremely overwhelmed with my day to day stuff(even if there is nothing too overwhelming) and end up feeling like I constantly need sleep, and not feeling rested even when I get it. But I am good otherwise. Except I coming back to forums like this one and scrolling through things not knowing why. Uh. May be it does bother me little.
I don't know why. I feel stupid for even writing this, I just wanted to get it out of me, in hopes it will stop bothering me.

Sorry for delay in posting, my computer at home is on strike.

I cannot really advise on how PTSD will go with you.

I think some things like trust are forever changed.

My PTSD is Child Abuse PTSD, it is similar but different, as it has links with physical changes in the brain. So my experience is not that relevant to you. I was hoping someone else would chime in.

What issues are worrying you the most.

Terry E. wrote:Sorry for delay in posting, my computer at home is on strike.

I cannot really advise on how PTSD will go with you.

I think some things like trust are forever changed.

My PTSD is Child Abuse PTSD, it is similar but different, as it has links with physical changes in the brain. So my experience is not that relevant to you. I was hoping someone else would chime in.

What issues are worrying you the most.

Uhmm...I do have childhood issues as well from abuse, later bullying in school, and much later than that also slightly abusive relationship with attempted rape(not to be mistaken with the actual SA I went through). I was a mess, as I said. But now I am really in a much better happier place.

I guess what bothers me the most is the things I still can't make myself do.

It's like after it happened and I realised I can't pretend that it didn't, I stopped doing a lot of things because it made me completely anxious and it made me have flashbacks and so on- being in crowded busses, clubbing, getting all dressed up and made up, meeting new people...and on and on the list goes. Sleeping was quite impossible too, though it's better now.
Eventually as my flashbacks decreased and I went through what I can out of the memories, it got better....but at that point I have really gotten much more highly irrationally anxious from so much...Since then I started doing things one by one, and slowly it gets better but it's hard. "Clubbing" or even bigger gatherings I still don't have a grasp on. I'm fine sometimes, and sometimes I just lose it.
I've gotten this need to control the events I go to the last detail- how am I getting home, where am I going, how am I dressed, and so on and on. And a lot of events go great...because I always have a firm grasp on what and when and where and have exit strategy. It's become really hard for me to be sponteneous like this. The last time I was, I agreed going to small event, trusting the friend I was with would walk me back to a place where I can take bus from...(though I'd never asked him prior, but with other friends it's usually implied). As it happened, it was late, I had no taxi money, and I had not remembered how to get back. There was after party and he wanted to stay. I wasn't dressed for a party but I went, supposedly for a little. The moment I was in there something flipped in me and I don't even know what, but I started remembering stuff and panicking. And I couldn't even explain what's happening to me, so he didn't understand how much I need to leave. I didn't know the way to get back and was panicking too much to ask him clearly so I eventually had full blown freakout/panick attack with lots of crying, unable to stop. It was bad. And what can I say about that? It sucked. But I just. I get so anxious, and sometimes I still get flashbacks, and quite bad ones(or may be worse because I have forgotten how bad it was)...I mean, not like when I was still going through everything...it's more like...panick freezing moment I guess.
I see/hear/smell something that reminds me of something from what happened to me and it's like flipping a switch. I'm still there and in much better control, but all the memories sort of "wash through" me in waves, strong and bad and it's very hard to ignore. And I start crying and I can't stop and I get tunnel vision, basically I stop thinking of where I am and what I'm actually doing, because the memory overpowers my senses...Now I sound crazy. I don't want to sound ungrateful. Those moments happen once or twice a year now only, and for the most part I have learned to manage them.
But it is hard. And I don't want to have to always be in control, it's not me, it's not who I was anyway... Is that even normal? Having such moments after all this time?
I don't want going out to be this whole big thing I have to carefully plan. Same goes for some other stuff I still haven't allowed myself to do. I've become overly careful and calculated and I am not sure how not to be that way.

I can't speak for everyones case, but in mine. I was raped 3 times at age 5. I am 48 now and ptsd has interfered with my thoughts, emotions, and decisions ever since. My situation was complicated by parents who perpetuated further (and different types) abuse, but though I have had moments of clarity and calm, this has been an ongoing battle for me.

Yes. Unfortunately trauma can hang over a person for their entire life. Edmr and cbt can help but there is so much stigma, shame, embarrassment, and depression that are linked to abuse like this.

The other problem is suffering silently because you don't want to be a burden on people and you are ashamed or think it was your fault.

And then there are people who don't believe you or they harass you or ostracize you and make you feel like you are nothing or you must be a slut who asked for it. If you have any semblance of sexuality, you get blamed for what happened to you.

It's been years and I still have triggers. My only suggestion is find a good therapist who can treat trauma and make sure the people you confide in are capable of empathy and proper emotional support. We just have to be mindful of our triggers and stay close to those who are helpful.

I agree, it's definitely not odd to still have those symptoms. I myself was raped 8 years ago and it still interferes with.. Well, everything, daily. And I still get a lot of panic attacks too. I guess it's partially something we just have to live with