I was sexually assaulted 3 years ago, to this month, and I feel awful. I think I was dissociated and in denial the last 3 years. I started meditating. Just focusing on my breathing to deal with stress at work. And I got real good at it I guess and now for the last weeks I have been flooded with emotions about my assault. And I try to talk myself through it, and in my head as I am talking to myself, I look up and see his face staring back at me. Smirking.
My life is being affected. My performance at work is faltering. I don’t sleep more than 5-6 hours at a time. I have horrific nightmares I think about for the next day. I am reading a book to try to process it but I think I will hold up, I don’t think I can do it alone. I am going to get therapy in a few paychecks, I just wish this would wait! I have other goals I want to put my money towards. Not therapy for something that happened to me years ago. And I’ll never get justice. I avoided being re-traumatized by not even trying to report it. I just assumed no one would believe me and it was my own fault. But now there’s no evidence no report nothing I can do about it he’s literally in another country. Thank you for reading this. It’s a little all over the place