is this rape? lost and confused

Hello, I am dealing with an issue now going back over the terrible and abusive things my ex partner has done to me over the past year, and a few months ago something happened that makes me question the real depth of everything that happened

one day, my partner and i engaged in sexual intercourse, i consented at first but during it i wanted to back out so i told them no, no. they stopped for a moment and i couldnt get any more words out after that so they kept going and i was stiff until they were done.

so i come with the question, is this sexual assault/rape? i always feel like i'm losing my mind thinking about these things, like as if its not real, it couldn't be me, it could never happen to me... so i come to ask others and clear my head of all of this horrible $#%^ and get the facts and everything straight..

I wouldnt consider it rape but its not up tot me to deal with it. What do you think? That's the most important answer

From the outside, it seems to be in a grey area- short of violence, threats, or doing things when a person is unconscious, is what a partner does, rape? I don't consider it so- but that doesn't mean it's not abusive behaviour, either.

Yes, it is. Even though you initially said yes, it's ok to change your mind if you're not comfortable. This article might help. https://www.healthline.com/health/was-i-raped

Hugs if you'd like some.