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Am I in the wrong? Or is he?

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Am I in the wrong? Or is he?

Postby peaches97 » Wed May 22, 2019 2:47 am

Last night I went to a bar with a coworker. My coworkers always ask me to come out and drink, but I would always decline because I wouldn't have enough money. This time I said yes... get myself out of the house and get to know my coworkers. So, I get to the bar and I order one beer. I have a few sips and then the bartender gives me a free shot ( which I thought he was making for someone else because there were two). I took the shot and sipped some more of my beer and IMMEDIATELY felt drunk. I couldn't walk right and I was already started to talk loudly and couldn't text properly.

So, the coworker finally shows up and he tells the bartender to get me another beer. So, I have had 2 beers and a shot at this point. I had not finished my second beet at the time because I had to use the restroom. I come back and finish my beer and there's a mixed drink waiting for me at the bar (one I did not order). This happened 2 more times and each time I had to get up and use the restroom and would come back and finish my drink. By this point, I had 2 beers, 3 mixed drinks, and a shot. I could not walk well at all and I was becoming belligerent. It usually takes a lot more for me to get drunk though.

I do have a fiance, and I had pure intentions when hanging out with this guy at the bar just as coworkers. But, I kept telling myself that once I finished my drink I would head home, but he kept getting more drinks for me and before I know it I'm acting in ways I normally wouldn't while sober. He kisses me and I kiss back (even though he was an awful kiss and I hated the whole thing). He asked if I wanted to come to his place for a bit and I said sure because there was no way I could drive home at this point. Figured I could wait off the drunkenness and then get back to my car.

I use his restroom and when I come out he's almost fully naked. I'm still drunk at this point and he just comes over and kisses me and throws me on the bed. He takes my pants off and tries to take off my underwear to keep him from wanting to go further and expressed that I was uncomfortable with it, but he continued. Next thing I know he's going down on me and now having sex with me. He was very strong and was on top and so I could barely move. The whole time it was happening I felt so disgusted in myself and wanted it to stop but couldn't find the words to actually say so. He goes to the bathroom and when he comes out I'm in complete tears and a huge mess because of what had happened, and at this point, I am totally sober and want to go home and scrub my entire body to wash away the night.

I have never been disloyal to anyone and never done anything like that but I felt like I was just so drunk and incapable of moving or doing anything ( I was seeing double vision and basically tripping every step I took). I'm sick to my stomach and feel violated and like a monster.

I don't know what to do. If I wasn't drunk, none of that would have ever happened because I would have had enough sense to leave the bar on my own terms and drive home. Was I taken advantage of? Did he purposely try to get me drunk? Did I cheat on my fiance??
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Re: Am I in the wrong? Or is he?

Postby avatar123 » Mon May 27, 2019 3:55 pm

Peaches, I'm sorry that happened to you. I would say that he knew you were drunk, and wanted you to be, and also took advantage of your condition. He also ignored your discomfort and your requests to stop. So that indicates what his intentions were.

By becoming inebriated, you allowed yourself to become vulnerable, but that is not a crime. Taking advantage of another person's vulnerability to abuse them, is a crime. So that's how you should think about this. I don't believe you cheated because you didn't seek out that situation.

You are not a monster, you just got caught in a bad situation with a bad person. He just as easily could have looked after you and make sure you were ok. But he chose to take advantages of you instead. So please don't blame yourself for this, self-blame is the #! issue that survivors encounter. Be sure you place the blame where it belongs. You did nothing to him, he did something to you. Please remember that.
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Re: Am I in the wrong? Or is he?

Postby Terry E. » Tue May 28, 2019 5:56 am

Everything Avatar said x 2 but I have learned something here through some of my friends and that is the human body has animal behavior patterns effected by smells, sounds, body proximity etc. Throw alcohol into the mix, tiredness, etc and your body will respond in ways beyond your control. (control reduced by alcohol!!)

Girls who have been bashed and raped by people they loathe may still orgasm.

As Avatar said he took advantage but the girl he took advantage of was not the real you.

Hell of a way to learn a lesson about biology, but it does not define you.
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