I was looking at Wikipedia tonight, researching PTSD in Veterans for a research job I want. The subject led me on to PTSD in rape and, as you do, I carried on clicking and reading as I’d always wondered if I had had PTSD as a result of my rape.
I read a sentence that has hit me hard, because I’ve looked for something like this for years to try to excuse my behaviour after the rape:
“Conversely, some rape survivors become hyper-sexual or promiscuous following sexual attacks, sometimes as a way to reassert a measure of control over their sexual relations.”
I’ve felt guilty and dirty and just plain wrong about this one aspect of my experience for 30 ######6 years - long after I’d (sort of) come to terms with the rest of it. I wish I’d known about this before.