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was it rape? Or am I just misjudging the situation?

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was it rape? Or am I just misjudging the situation?

Postby Anon14894234 » Tue Jun 05, 2018 3:46 am

A few years ago I attended a field party in June with friends, and proceeded to get extremely drunk- unbeknownst to myself; my friends had left me to go visit others, leaving me with a schoolmate I didn’t know all that well- from what I can recall, he was much less intoxcated than I; and all I can remember after that is that we had sex and very few sentences were exchanged between us- I cannot recall consenting, nor can I particularly recall what happened when he lead me away from the party into the forest- Supposedly my friends had later found me in the woods, and had then led me back to the party, we later left- at this point I was so intoxicated to the point where I could hardly speak and kept vomiting out of the car window onto the tarmac. I am hesitant to address the situation as rape- as I don’t recall physically attempting to stop him, nor to my knowledge did I explicitly state I was uncomfortable and scared in this situation- as I was 15 and still a virgin, it left me feeling disgusted in myself and extremely guilty- is this rape? Or am I just overreacting?
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Re: was it rape? Or am I just misjudging the situation?

Postby avatar123 » Thu Jun 07, 2018 4:49 pm

Sorry that happened. It sounds like you were too inebriated to consent, or even for your consent to mean anything. You didn't really have the capacity to consent while in that state. Also you may have been underage. So yes, I would think of this as rape, from your own perspective, and in terms of its effect on you.

Legally it might be a difficult case as you only have a partial memory of what happened. Even if the sexual assault laws in your area address incapacitation, there has to be a witness or proof that it happened. That's why he led you away from the others and into the woods. So probably not much can be done there.

For you, though, you shouldn't blame yourself or feel responsible. You may have been vulnerable and that is your responsibility, but he had to choose to take advantage of your vulnerability and assault you. All of that is on him, it's his responsibility. A more caring person would have looked after you and made sure you were safe. That's how normal people behave.

If this is really bothering you, you could call one of the sexual assault hotlines, just to talk to someone who understands and can counsel you further. Main thing now is for you to be ok.
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