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Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Open Discussions About Rape and Sexual Assault.

Re: Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Postby arandomname » Thu Jan 19, 2012 2:52 am

Kind of disappointing nothing in the first post is really about males abused by women.

I don't mind though. There's nothing much to find on it anyway. But it isn't even mentioned. But I'm not that... pushy about such things... yet... maybe I will start to care about all that and maybe become a meninist (if the word even exists).

The reason why I'm probably not going to go that far... is that... we all have to deal with it you know. And numbers aren't... all-important...

But males being abused by females... it's like totally different. It's like a totally non-explored world... of psychological mind games... in my case... and it's hard to identify... like a frog being cooked alive but not trying to escape because he doesn't feel it because... it's... happening very steadily. His body temperature is adjusting with it. Now that's because he's a cold-blooded being.

But if we had to compare our human mind to... warm blooded beings or cold blooded beings... it would be cold blooded. Because if it steadily increases... the psychological abuse... uhm...

You know it's like I've been through a stress test. Something only banks should be going through at the moment. But a totally different one. A very very long one.

Oh well. But I've read once that researchers found out that by investigating the brains of a mouse (at least it probably was a mouse... or something similar/comparable)... uhm... I'm not sure how to explain this... but the part of the brain that controlls sexual... stuff... like the sex part is directly linked to the agression part of the brain. They made some kind of test... where a mouse (or a different mamal I'm not sure anymore) would become really agressive... and then they noticed that if they used the same set up but put a female mouse in the area as well... the mouse wouldn't become agressive anymore. It more likely was a more social... animal than a mouse I'm not sure. But it doesn't matter because the scientists believed it could help develop a better understanding of how human agression and sex are linked.

And actually... maybe all types of animals have this kind of stuff. I remember all those shark documentaries where they always stumble upon female sharks with huge bitemarks and scars... it's well known that these scars are usually created when male sharks try to mate with them.

And throughout the whole animal kingdom... females are always a little hesistant towards mating... and males usually over-agressive...

Doesn't explain why I've been abused by a women though :P But oh well.

I hope one day... our "mating" ritual will be more like the ritual of birds. No violence at all. Selection! Ofcourse. They're often very picky about eachother... in terms of looks etc. But no violence. And some birds stay together their entire life afterwards, as far as I know fathfully but maybe that's an entirely different... question... it would make more sense that "cheating" happens in their "relationships" as well. You can learn a lot from animals you know?

Also we are close relatives to chimps and a monkey species called "bonobo's". The difference in behaviour is that chimps are very agressive beings. Pretty brutal sometimes. And bonobo's apparently "solve" almost everything through sex and aren't violent at all. Those are the 2 main species we are most closely related to. So I bet we're about 50% bonobo... and 50% chimp... or maybe I should say 25% bonobo, 25% chimp and 50% ourselves. Oh well you know what I mean. As long as the chimp percentage is about equal with the bonobo percentage. Maybe it's 12,5% bonobo, 12,5% chimp and 75% ourselves.

And it seems... kind of... uhm... it probably makes sense that... if agression is increasingly being punished... a society tends to become more sexual. Perhaps that's the reason for all of this. The west isn't at war with eachother anymore. Although sexual... stuff still happens a lot during times of war as well. So maybe that doesn't add up after all. And by sexual stuff I mean rape and stuff like that. Maybe even more so during war. I don't know. So maybe the last part is wrong.

But so far that's what I've been able to find out.
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Re: Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Postby CrackedGirl » Thu Jan 19, 2012 11:53 am

Thank you for that.

Your analogies to the animal kingdom are great - I found them really useful. I hope that this place helps you.

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Re: Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Postby Arbie Wun » Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:22 am

I know that the things that happened when I was younger were not my fault and that I had no control over the outcomes. The thing that always frustrated me was the fact that I responded in a specific way and that in time resulted in additional issues for me.

It took me a long long time to realise that a lot of the other issues stemmed back to the abuse and my different ways of coping with each aspect of it over time has resulted in who I am. The thing that has improved my outlook and views on the world is my therarpy and now I am getting better but the road has been a difficult one with many challenges, it isn't meant to be easy.
The bright light at the end of a dark tunnel could be an oncoming train, but it could also be the way out of the darkness...
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Postby aussie_surfer » Wed May 09, 2012 6:00 pm

MizzCatharine wrote:I am a female rape victim and was just talking to my bf the other night about male rape victims. I mean it was hard for me as a female to say that a man violated me, but for a man to say that..it must be 10X harder..probably more


It is hard - it has taken me 29 years to admit it!
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Re: Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Postby Boundless » Fri Aug 10, 2012 5:09 pm

Sorry I just caught this topic. Male on male rape is something I never really considered until about 18 months ago when I read an article in the Washington Post. There was a young guy walking in downtown D.C. around 3:00 am. He was on Independence avenue which is near the museums.

A man carrying a handgun raped him. I've always been aware of inmate rape but I honestly never heard of men being raped outside of prison or jail. Boys yes, but men no. It made me think deeply on the subject. It must be amazingly difficult in our society to be known as a rape victim if you're a male.

The machismo that's so prevalent throughout our society mistakenly perpetuates the lie that any man can easily prevent another man from raping him. But I thought about that, all it takes is having a grasp on reality to be raped. Having a healthy fear of handguns and death makes any man susceptible to rape. And anyone in our society these days can get their hands on a gun.

So I look around and wonder of the thousands of men I see on a daily basis, how many of them have been sexually assaulted? Then I wondered if their behavior would be a predictor. So I probably shouldn't judge the aggressors so harshly.

All I can say is that I respect any man that has been raped and lived to talk about it. Whether or not they have issues with their sexual orientation isn't of my concern. But being same-sex oriented wouldn't bother me in the least. I'm bisexual and I feel that I'm bi because I was extensively sexually abused as pre-teen and teen. So I don't judge anyone if they're heterosexual, homosexual or anysexual.

By: Boundless

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Re: Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Postby Ithrean » Tue Apr 02, 2013 7:52 am

I know this thread is a bit dated now, but I just wanted to say thank you to the original poster and those who have contributed since. You may not realize it, but stuff like this shows up when you're just browsing for resources, and it was this thread that originally brought me to this site. So thanks for that :)

Still trying to sort out for myself what it looks like being a 'male survivor' when I struggle so much just to accept that I was attacked. With some of the reactions I've got talking to others about what happened to me, it's not really surprising I guess, but it's nice to know I'm not alone out here...
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Re: Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Postby Arbie Wun » Sun May 26, 2013 7:44 am

All Male Survivors have a tough time, it can be a variety of things that make their life a living hell. It can depend on so many factors from the age of the victim to the social impact it has on them. We all have a unique situation and story so this thread is just a way of expressing that to fellow survivors.

I personally feel that it is unfortunate for some that their abuse occurred when they were much older as this has a far more damaging effect to the person than that which happens when they are much younger. My abuse was when I was much younger and in fact seem to have locked it away deep in my mind (it only came to surface during puberty when my body began to change and I began feeling these strange things - this lead to the nightmares and the memories coming back)

I can remember mentioning what happened to my parents, but a magnitude of factors left these people running free able to do it again and again. My young age, the times my attackers social status and ability to fabricate truths was why they got to remain free (thankfully though they are no longer living - I like to think it was Karma that got them)
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Re: Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Postby Binxxy » Sun Jun 08, 2014 5:20 pm

Having been a victim of rape, I know how hard it is for men to deal with it. I just recently was able to admit to myself what happened and it was 15 years ago. That event played a major part in all the problems I have had since then. My depression, drug and alcohol abuse, self destructive behavior, and domestic abuse issues ( yes I admit to that please don't pile on I hate myself enough for what I did). I am trying to get my life turned around but there is very little help available to me due to the general human ignorance that men can get raped too. I also have a myriad of other psyche problems but being raped is honestly the most debilitating thing .
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Re: Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors

Postby jasonharris » Fri Aug 25, 2017 8:35 pm

Hello everyone,

I am new here and I found this site by looking for support for victims. I am not sure how i feel about the word survivor. Am i a survivor if I am still being abused? I am beyond humiliated about what is happening to me. I guess that is why there is a male survivor page. it is definitely different for guys. ive never admitted to anyone that i am a victim. i am struggling to write it down here. i have read that talking about it helps so that is why I am here.

For the past 2 months, I have been getting abused by my sister. She is younger than me and thinks that it is some kind of game. i have told her that its not and ive begged her to stop but she enjoys it. I don't believe she is evil, i just think she is somehow confused. Is it possible that an abuser is just, confused? Or is she really a monster?

I am 15 and I would like to know if sister abuse is something others have dealt with? Telling my parents would only get me in trouble. She will blame me and they will believe her I am sure.
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