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I am a lost dad

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I am a lost dad

Postby zlost798 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 6:48 pm

Hello all,

I searched a bit for some forum or board or something to talk and get more info. My wife and I just had our first baby boy but I have a daughter whose 10 from a previous relationship. The moment I found out we were having a baby was nothing but excitement telling everyone getting everything ready! I was so excited to meet the little guy it was crazy!

My son was born on the 21st....the first 2 days at the hospital were amazing I held hime very chance I got and loved being with him and helping. Then the change happened. We came home and settled into our routine. My wife chose to breastfeed which I wonder now if that's where my change started. When my daughter was born I was very involved with everything from feeding to just snuggling.

I feel so lost, I hear his crying even when he's not. I feel like im constantly on edge and have begun neglecting them both with the cold shoulder. I know my wife can feel it as she has started talking to me less and less now and I her. She asks me to hold him and of course I do but i can't look at him. I feel emotionally empty. I don't get suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming anyone. My biggest thought is to just leave...run as fast and far as I can. I wont of course but I know it's all getting worse for me. I rarely cry and first time in my life I have no control of when those tears come. Everytime i look at either of them i just want to bawl...

I know I need some help but I am having a very hard time telling my wife what is going on. I know she needs that rock, that mountain so she can feel like she's got stability in this process. But all I feel like is a pebble in the ocean...

Any suggestions on how to break this for her....
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Re: I am a lost dad

Postby quietgirl2538 » Mon Oct 30, 2017 1:02 pm

After the birth of my own children, it was always an adjustment issue for both me and the rest of the family. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her, can you see a therapist? That would help you unload the feeling you have and help guide you. Or maybe even talk to a very good and trusted friend.

I don't know why you are feeling the way you feel, but try your best and make sure your wife and baby feel your love, even if it's just by helping out in little ways. I say this because when I had the baby, and was breastfeeding, I felt like that was all I did, take care of a new baby and barely had time to eat or sleep much. So, your presence is noticed and appreciated very much.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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