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I don't know what to do

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I don't know what to do

Postby be9513 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:05 am

I have bad PPD. I don't know what to do. I burst out in tears at the drop of a hat, I love my daughter, but I don't feel a real "connection" with her sometimes. Sometimes I swear I think she hates me..I had a rough pregnancy: I was by myself. Her "fahter" came around sparatically but not consistenly. Everyone told me he would change his mind once she was born but he hasn't even acknowledged her exsistence and will not reply one word from me since she's been born. I've asked him to come see her, but he won't even respond. It pisses me off so much. I also had to have an emergency c-section, and was dissapointed by that. then my scar got infected after that and really hurt. I don't know how I'm going to support her either..I feel like I'm doing a terrible job, I don't know what I'm doing, and I just want to crawl into a hole and cry. When I do actually get a little sleep, I have horrible dreams. I feel so overwhelmed and then feel bad about it like what kind of mother am I that i'm overwhelmed by my own child? I feel like a bad mom and like an extremely weak person because I just can't handle it sometimes. I feel guilty for taking help when it's offered even if I need it. I feel like I should be able to do this all on my own, that I should be able to handle and control this. I'm on anti-depressents but I don't think they're working..I don't know what else to do. I have no one to talk to. my appetite has dropped to zero. I guess i just needed to rant. Tell me this eventually gets better...please..
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Re: I don't know what to do

Postby Ada » Sat Oct 12, 2013 9:45 pm

That's SO much on your plate at the moment. I'm so sorry! You are 100% allowed to vent and rant as much as you like here. It can take a while to bond with a baby when there's been a difficult pregnancy or birth. And you had both! So unfair. Give it time, that connection will come. [Or you will look at her one day and realise it was there all along, but super-well hidden.] Lots of mothers go through this. It will work out OK.

You didn't mention being related to Superman in your post? If you aren't actually bionic, please, please stop worrying about being overwhelmed right now. That's completely normal. People feel that even when they have a supportive partner, family, friends, everything lined up. But life has changed completely with a baby in it. Of course that's overwhelming, and scary. Feeling that way is a proof that you're a good mother, to be honest. If you didn't care, that would be sooo much worse.

You don't have to do this by yourself. It's OK to ask for help. If you have a health visitor or doctor, they would be really good people to talk to. They've heard everything before. And they should be able to support you, or suggest where you can go for more help. Again, that's being a good parent, not "giving in" or "not being able to cope." You need to be around for her for the rest of her life. No good burning out in the first couple of months. You've been through a hard pregnancy. Someone I know who had an emergency c-section described it as like having been in a car crash. In terms of how hard it was on the body and emotions. Except you have to do all your recovery whilst looking after a small squirmy piece of life. That's really hard work.

Big hugs to you, if you'd like them. :D I'm glad you posted here. Keep posting. It's OK.
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Re: I don't know what to do

Postby be9513 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 6:24 pm

Thank you for your response and the hugs. You had a lot of helpful advice. I'm just trying to take things as they come. I'm still overwhelmed, but I know it has to eventually get better. Thank you for taking time to reply to me.
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Re: I don't know what to do

Postby Heather_55 » Sat Oct 19, 2013 12:14 pm

My daughter's father left for good 5 months before she was born and I had no social support-having just moved.
Do you have any family or anyone that really cares about you to help? You do need social support. Also one thing they have found to be very helpful in PPD is to use a light box every morning. For more info check drnedley.com. You can get the blue light box relatively inexpensively on Amazon. The other thing that's very important is your nutrition. Fresh vegetable juices are great-but at least try to have what fruits and vegetables that you can-and drink alot of pure water and get good fats such as chia or flaxseeds,walnuts,avocados,etc. You need to be healthy to enjoy your beautiful daughter. It is very sad if her father chooses not to be involved in her(and your)life-but I can tell you-my daughter is the greatest blessing of my life. Try to get out in the sunshine and fresh air, if possible-and remember how much your daughter needs your love-and she will give it back 100 fold!!!! hang in there!It's wonderful you are sking for help-it shows you really do care deeply.
Blessings to you and your daughter.
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Re: I don't know what to do

Postby be9513 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 3:31 pm

Thank you Heather. I will check out this "light box" you're talking about. I will try to eat healthy too. I'm still really struggling. I still feel like I'm a poor mom and that my baby doesn't even like me. I mean, she does so much better for other people than she does me..but that's OK. I still love her. I'm still so pissed off at her father that he doesn't even care, not even a little, but I'll have to eventually get over it..I'm just going to let the legal system deal with him. That's all I really can do at this point. Thank you for responding to me and blessings to you and your daughter as well.
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Re: I don't know what to do

Postby Ada » Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:22 pm

be9513 wrote:I still feel like I'm a poor mom and that my baby doesn't even like me. I mean, she does so much better for other people than she does me..but that's OK. I still love her.

:D I'd see that as proof that she loves you as her mother. It means she's so secure around you that she's her own natural self. With others, she's already slightly reserved. Waiting to see how they'll treat her. An instinctive reaction.

It's very hard when you're on the receiving end of a crying fit. But I honestly believe that's a really good sign that she's bonded with you 100%. And that you love her despite all that is a great sign too. Her father is missing out on SO much. I'm so glad she's got you fighting for her side.
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Re: I don't know what to do

Postby Heather_55 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 2:41 pm

Your anger is an expression of the deep pain of rejection. when you give yourself to someone -and even bear their child and they are unable to love and care for you or the child-that is not a minor loss for you AND your daughter. Anger is part of the grieving process.....
i hope you will find support and help to heal. do you have any healthy men in your life? father/grandfather/ brother...? that would be a real blessing for you and your daughter. you are very vulnerable after such rejection-and want to be careful of feeling desperate and getting into another unhealthy relationship. i hope you have caring people in your life.
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