I'm a bad daughter

I've been having so many terrible flashbacks (times of abuse) and flashfowards (imagining what will happen in the future). I feel like a little child though I'm really a youngish adult. I have schizophrenia and PTSD, and I keep hearing today, "you're a bad daughter, you're a bad daughter." It hurts so badly. Every little sound comes as a sign against me, every spoken word feels like pain that I caused. My mom used to abuse me, but she's so wonderful now (because she stopped the substances and got help). My dad is dead, but he left so many broken promises (he was brave as the cancer killed him, and tried to keep us safe that way). My papa (honorary father) is very stressed in his own life and has to walk on eggshells with me (he says he'll never leave me, but I'm so scared I'll force him to). I'm a bad daughter, I'm a bad daughter. I want to be good. I try so hard to be good.

It's hard I know, .. but try and take care of yourself .

There's broken, then there's bad. You have these diagnosed issues. That might make you a broken person, but it doesn't at all make you a bad daughter. We just have to try to do the best we can, with the hand we're dealt. Would having an arm broken in an accident through no fault of your own, make you a bad daughter? No. Would having cancer, or a cold, make you bad? No. Neither does PTSD or Schizophrenia.