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I do not know where this new feeling of snobbiness came fro?

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I do not know where this new feeling of snobbiness came fro?

Postby joidevive » Tue Jan 26, 2021 11:08 pm

I was happy and confident for a while before I started grad school. I also lead a life alone without a social life because I just never made any friends in high school and in college I got busy. I am that quiet person. Also suffered PSTD from high school so now I have avoidant personality disorder. When I went to grad school, I had the idea that I would be able to start over and make new friends..but things were the same and I became unhappy. I got ridiculed as a byproduct of my timid nature, and something within me triggered and it manifested in an aggressive manner and I somehow unconsciously learned to display snobbiness or catty in terms of demeanor towards others. I don't know where this came from. I'm really uncomfortable with this new feeling of "snobbiness". It's not like I am doing it on purpose, it just comes automatically and intellectually, I do not agree with it. I don't know how to deal with this. I hate this new me.
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Re: I do not know where this new feeling of snobbiness came fro?

Postby Terry E. » Thu Jan 28, 2021 3:16 am

joidevive wrote:I was happy and confident for a while before I started grad school. I also lead a life alone without a social life because I just never made any friends in high school and in college I got busy. I am that quiet person. Also suffered PSTD from high school so now I have avoidant personality disorder. When I went to grad school, I had the idea that I would be able to start over and make new friends..but things were the same and I became unhappy. I got ridiculed as a byproduct of my timid nature, and something within me triggered and it manifested in an aggressive manner and I somehow unconsciously learned to display snobbiness or catty in terms of demeanor towards others. I don't know where this came from. I'm really uncomfortable with this new feeling of "snobbiness". It's not like I am doing it on purpose, it just comes automatically and intellectually, I do not agree with it. I don't know how to deal with this. I hate this new me.


That is awesome. Never come across anyone with this before and it in many ways it so me. I called it aloof, arrogant, not sure what to call it. Publicly I am withdrawn, hate socializing but when forced into it through work situations family visits (wife's family -as I have detached from my own) I go in determined to mingle enjoy myself, then find myself counting the minutes until I can escape and trying to avoid saying something I will regret.

At functions I will detach from my wife who likes socializing (she tends to drop verbal hand grenades though). I used to grab a drink, even go sit in the car and listen to the radio and read.

This is my take on it.

Apart from my abuse I found school and other environments reacted negatively to me because of my baggage. My clothes, my always poor health, my awkward behavior. I was alienated.

I still did ok at school despite it and used this as motivation to show them I was as good if not better. I felt if I could just pass, with the crap I had to deal with while they had nice normal lives, I was indeed better - hmmm come to think of it I still do, but have learned to try and not be abrasive anymore. (that never made my life easier - fired 4 times in seven years - luckily I am good enough to be self employed.)

So although what you have is not common - to me it is a very normal reaction to an abnormal environment.

The lesson from me though is to try and hide it in the work place in particular (I could not tolerate fools) it can make life hard.

Take care.
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