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So much!

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So much!

Postby Foggy1 » Mon Apr 20, 2020 4:37 pm

There's so much I don't eve know where to start.
Molested 3 times by different men before I was 10, childhood physical and mental abuse from father, raped at gunpoint at 17, domestic violence filled engagement at 19-21, met a wonderful man at 22 and got married at 23. His mother was absolutely horrible to me. First 7 years of our marriage was awful. We are finally in a good place together since her passing.
My PTSD was at an all time low in 2012. I was suicidal, depressed, angry, and miserable. (2012 was near the tail end of my MIL life so I had it coming from me in both sides) I ended up going to a psych center for one night - I was convinced by a friend in law enforcement that it would help and it was what I needed - it did nothing but scare me. I was trapped, I was locked up, I was not helped. I was able to get out the next day but I was different. I would get sick just looking at the building when I drove by and I couldn't stand seeing or hearing anything about my "friend". I really think he stuck me there for show. To say, "oh, I got that poor girl help." Whatever. He's a piece of garbage. Anyways, I've been doing good for the last several years. Like, not thinking about things, minimal flashbacks and nightmares, I was even sleeping better. But, things have went back to how they used to be. Lots of flashbacks and nightmares, a lot of anger and guilt, sadness, depression, anxiety, crying, and just an all around down feeling. I was watching a TV show yesterday and when this girl reported her rape to the police, they didn't believe her either. (I reported my rape after 2 days, yes I screwed up big, and long story short, they didn't believe me) That's where my anger really comes from, not being believed. Makes me so mad. So messed up. They had a rape kit, my clothes, perfect descriptions of them and their vehicle, where they lives, the guns..everything. I guess since I wasn't all bruised everywhere then it didn't happen. I can't help he wasn't rough and violent, just held a gun to me. I just don't understand.
Maybe some day I can tell my stories. I hope so. But I don't know.
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Re: So much!

Postby thegentlepath » Thu Apr 23, 2020 4:50 pm

Hi Foggy1,
Welcome to psych forums. It’s 2 million percent logical you are angry. I’m angry for you. Keep telling your story. Shout it from the rooftops. Don’t let anyone silence you. If someone does try to silence you, take a good look at that person. Then keep telling your story.

The anger management board here on psych forums has helped me. In addition to the 2 million things I already do to be ok. It’s different for everyone since we’re all unique snowflakes.

I’ve also downloaded a free app called AIMS for anger management, but I haven’t used it yet. It was developed for veterans with ptsd.

In addition, I’ve found support groups helpful. Good luck.
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