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I signed up 3 years ago.

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I signed up 3 years ago.

Postby meanvillain » Thu Feb 21, 2019 6:14 am

And it feels like almost nothing has changed.

I hardly remember those days anymore. All of the chaos and abuse piled up so high it's obstructed my view of the past. Dissociative Identity Disorder rules my life, I can't remember anything up until the vague, hazy sort-of memories i have of being 17 and chunks of since every now and then scattered behind my skull.

I still have flashbacks. I still have nightmares. I still panic. I still am haunted, just as I was when i suffered the first attack, just as I was as a child surviving my mother's abuse. Now with just more drugs. I feel as if past me, child me, would be disappointed in what he sees. I wonder what He would say, if he knew what his horrible actions did to me. It's whatever, I guess. I abruptly flickered into existence one day, I'm sure the exit is just the same.
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Re: I signed up 3 years ago.

Postby Terry E. » Fri Feb 22, 2019 7:20 pm

If that child could understand they would be proud that you survived.

You are bent but not broken.

I think the hardest thing for many of us is that we live in a society so unlike our own life. Where mothers are the closest thing to God on this earth, where everyone thinks they know the world, but only see the version we get served on the main stream media.

In Australia Rosie Batty was married to a very disturbed man, but somehow she believed her son should still have a relationship with his father. The boy was killed and we made Rosie "Australian of the Year" for allowing her to share our grief and pain.

How nuts is that.

Yeah you have some ways to go, but don't feel like you are not a success. we just measure it differently.

I used to joke that I felt like such a failure. With my childhood upbringing I should have been a serial killer or at least an axe murderer.

Don't measure yourself against anyone who has not lived your life.
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