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PTSD increasing BPD ASPD traits. TW suicde murder

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PTSD increasing BPD ASPD traits. TW suicde murder

Postby skramamme » Sat Dec 01, 2018 3:50 am

Hi, I'm new here and have multiple diagnosis, the primary being BPD (30 years of crazy) and secondary psychopathy/co-morbid ASPD alongside PTSD and the development of agoraphobia and GAD.

I guess this post is simply to put my current situation and the events leading up to it in words
Plus it's reassuring to know I'm not alone in having to deal with really awful things (misery loves company).

Where to start... ok, so my PTSD has been untreated because of a reluctance on my part- I worry that I will be overwhelmed by the experience and dovetail even more. In addition to that my ability to be compliant is badly hindered by my agoraphobia & GAD even when I want to see my psychologist.
The whole thing is a frustrating catch 22.

To put things in context here's a brief rundown of the events that led and compounded my PTSD;
In late 2004 my partner killed himself in our car. I was 3 months pregnant and found him. That caused my initial PTSD.

Then my step brother was murdered just after my severe IUGR daughter was born by emergency cesarean. She weighed just 1400gm at full term and spent 2 months in NICU (which was not a good time).

Jump to 2015 and my mum died of curable cancer. She was a New Age moron so she wouldn't comply with the proper treatment.
I was the only one there the night she died and I have complete loss of memory from the time she stopped breathing to leaving the room and getting the nurses. I don't even know if I stayed with her to say goodbye.

That was exactly 1 week before I had my 2nd major surgery to fix a broken pelvis.
So in addition to all that traumatic emotional baggage I have the physical and mental experience of 3 complicated and surgeries that left me with ongoing problems.

And now my younger sister has an anaplastic astrocytoma (a malignant brain tumour) which is slowly killing her.

It's a lot of $#%^ to handle and that's not even touching the childhood experience of being raised by a mother who was deeply histrionic or the other things I did or have had done to me outside of my family.

TBH I wonder if that amount of negative experiences can even be resolved at my age (40's).

NEGL, the urge to simply say "###$ it" and let the mask slip is just. so. tempting :twisted:
I mean, LBR, it's not like my life has worked out trying to comply with societies expectations.

Anyway, sorry for the word vomit :mrgreen:
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Re: PTSD increasing BPD ASPD traits. TW suicde murder

Postby avatar123 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 12:59 pm

Sorry all that has happened to you, it's definitely a lot for anyone to handle. I'm sure that when you think of it all together, it's totally overwhelming. PTSD doesn't help as it causes much of it to remain present in your mind, and constantly re-lived.

I know this may seem obvious/trivial, but it often helps to break things down to one step at a time. Your PTSD will fight you on that, but there are some techniques you could learn to help. Maybe the first step/goal would be getting to your therapist, even if you don't go anywhere else due to the agoraphobia. Your focus could be just on achieving this one thing. Then the therapist could begin to help you with other things, so this one first step enables others to follow, and eventually further progress.

I'm sure you've thought of that and it's not as easily done as said. But you kind of have to start somewhere, so maybe choose something simple that is achievable but helpful, and work from there. Try to keep it simple and focused, one thing at a time, and try to ignore the other stuff as best you can, until it's their turn.

Anyway this is not much, but I hope it helps. You mentioned your mother's unfortunate fate, you might keep that in mind as motivation to make sure you get the care you need. It's important and you're totally deserving of it. You can try to let the fear and anxiety be set aside briefly, and push yourself to make it happen. I hope you will.
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Re: PTSD increasing BPD ASPD traits. TW suicde murder

Postby RapidMallard78 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:19 pm

Hang in there! My son is bipolar and in trying different medications to help him, his doctor does Skype or FaceTime visits with him at home. That way the doctor can see his mood without him having to put on his "public face" and wait for the next appointment. It has helped him tremendously. Also, do you have a dog? My dog is a great companion to me. Bumps me and gets my attention when I'm having a difficult time. Just his touch is enough to calm me.
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