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CPTSD and knowing how to have fun

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CPTSD and knowing how to have fun

Postby kielera71421 » Sat Jan 06, 2018 2:49 pm

I really can't do spontaneous fun which everyone seems to enjoy. I also can't let go and am always hyper vigilant. I feel terror at the thought of not being vigilant. It feels bizzare and it harms relationships
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Re: CPTSD and knowing how to have fun

Postby Terry E. » Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:52 pm

kielera71421 wrote:I really can't do spontaneous fun which everyone seems to enjoy. I also can't let go and am always hyper vigilant. I feel terror at the thought of not being vigilant. It feels bizzare and it harms relationships


I used to think every one else was naive, stupid, and weak but found out it was just that my PTSD makes me extremely negative. I am always looking for, waiting for the fail and do a mental hi-five when it arrives.

I am now just try and catch myself doing it. Trying to understand

interesting you say it feels bizarre. Why do you say that. I know I am the one out of step but it just feels normal.
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Re: CPTSD and knowing how to have fun

Postby seabreezeblue » Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:51 pm

kielera71421 wrote:I really can't do spontaneous fun which everyone seems to enjoy. I also can't let go and am always hyper vigilant. I feel terror at the thought of not being vigilant. It feels bizzare and it harms relationships


How long has it been since you were in the situation that gave you the c-PTSD? (assuming and hoping that you're no longer in that situation of course).
I'm only just really starting to be able to let go and have fun.. just starting to be able to relax and enjoy chatting without constantly analying everything they and myself are doing and saying.

I'm about 20 years out now though.. it's a long, tough road but it's certainly possible to get your hypervigilance down to a more manageable level eventually.

I wonder if you and Terry get drunk like normal people seem to, or if like me, being drunk just leaves your body unable to do what it should, but your mind still has a stone cold sober centre in control of your thoughts.. (?)

One thing that i found the most helpful with the hypervigilance and building relationships with others, is learning to trust myself, and to believe that i'm capable of knowing who to trust.
Every time in the past that i've ignored my instincts, it's ended badly.. now i listen to myself every time, and can relax a bit more.
I do struggle a fair bit with black-white thinking and emotions though.. like if i find out that someone has lied about something, i'll really struggle not to go off them completely.. :?
That needs work still, but i'm hopefully part-way through that one.
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and i'll run round the moon..
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Re: CPTSD and knowing how to have fun

Postby birdsong87 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 4:50 pm

comparing yourself with people without trauma must be stressful.
what you describe is part of cPTSD
it takes a while to learn and unlearn.
you don't have to suddenly become spontaneous. but you can slowly learn how to have planned enjoyment and figure out if there are things that you might like a little bit better than other things.
it takes time to experiment and compare your experience. the learning happens with making new experiences. it is slow but possible.
it is similar with learning how to reduce the hypervigilance. it takes baby steps of allowing a little relaxation. maybe just letting go in the shoulders for a moment. active ways of relaxation like qi gong or yoga might be easier than others.
for a while we took lyrica to help with hypervigilance. it gave us a life. would medication be an option for you?
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Re: CPTSD and knowing how to have fun

Postby OneDaySoon » Sat Apr 14, 2018 5:21 pm

I really struggle with this too!
I can't do anything relaxing, or fun, or just for the sake of it. I just can't seem to let go, and feel relieved.
It makes me sad because I am not in the abusive situation now, and haven't been in general for around two years, so I know that realistically, there is no threat for me waiting round the corner.

I find it upsetting as well because I am only 24, and all of my friends do things like have 'me days', where they sit about and do nothing, and have a nice relaxing bath, and pamper themselves, and I literally have three settings:
1. Hypervigilance-mode (I will do 'task-based' things obsessively like cleaning and organising files, laundry, helping other people sort out problems they have, because not doing something like this will mean that I have time to think)
2. Dissociative mode (totally absent, and can find myself in different places, like suddenly in the shops when the last thing I remember, I was at home),
and 3. Asleep!

I'm not kidding, if I try to do something that is inherently about me and my own enjoyment, I literally feel sedated and have to go to sleep, or have to stop doing it and do something task-based instead. I don't know how to stop it or minimize it, but it's making me so angry and pent-up!
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