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Dealing with the Aftermath of an Abusive Relationship

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Dealing with the Aftermath of an Abusive Relationship

Postby wanderwoman17 » Wed Jan 09, 2019 1:56 pm

All these years I thought escaping my abuser was going to be the hardest thing I had to do, and although it was extremely difficult... I underestimated the pain that would continue to build up inside of me while dealing with the aftermath of the abuse. It's been 7 months since I left, and successfully gone without contact, but as time goes on I feel as though I am getting weaker. I never really expressed the extent of the abuse to my family & friends, because I am someone who prefers to isolate until it all builds up and then I explode... and Im afraid Ive been at that point for a bit now. Ive lost my job, and am losing my home, I am not able to function as a normal person anymore. I was a "successful" business woman with a beautiful home and Ive slowly let it all slip away from me from spiraling into deep depression and PTSD following that relationship.

Im looking for advice, words of encouragement, anything. For those that have dealt with the aftermath of an abusive relationship, how do I get myself out of this rut. It feels never ending and I've become a person I hate because I am not being myself.

I've never been on one of these forums before but I need encouragement from other women or men that have lived through this. I'm feeling so hopeless. Thanks for reading.
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Re: Dealing with the Aftermath of an Abusive Relationship

Postby Terry E. » Fri Jan 11, 2019 7:15 pm

When we are in the relationships, we run our lives on different priorities, we don't really live, we kind of function or simply survive. as a child I had it down pat. It was eat and sleep, anything else was a bonus. In many ways when I was 11 I was older than my children will ever be, even when they are 80.

As you have now stepped away and physical protection (if that was the main issue) is no longer dominating priorities we kind of start to put pieces together. Without that priority driving us we can actually think, and for someone who has been through this that may not at this time be such a good thing. Most of us go through it but some hide it for a very long time. We may question lots of stuff that we just lived. That can be pretty tough.

I buried mine for a very long time, but then it has opened up like peeling layers on a onion. Each new layer leading to another.

You hate yourself because you don't understand yourself. You may have thought it can never happen to you. About the only person it can never happen to is a psychopath. All it may mean is that you may have been more normal than you may have thought.

I suggest learn how to live with your PTSD without it controlling your life. Try and be aware when it kicks in and gradually learn how to avoid triggers and how to deescalate when they are unavoidable.
try and enjoy small things. Maybe music you can now peacefully enjoy, maybe some food. maybe sleeping in on Sunday. Start working on yourself. Grooming, posture, presence. All little things. They help rebuild self esteem.

This will be a challenge and for some the progress is small. For others they have built wonderful whole new lives.

And finally please go easy on yourself.

Sorry for being late, but was kind of dealing with something similar. Been away helping brother in law who is crashing and burning, all from a troubled childhood. When you are trying to work out how to get a 66 year old man who has no surgical reason you wear an adult version of huggies because those pads just don't cut it, yeah it was pretty low.
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Re: Dealing with the Aftermath of an Abusive Relationship

Postby avatar123 » Sat Jan 12, 2019 6:39 am

I think sometimes being in an abusive relationship is the result of struggling to really love and value ourselves. Even that relationship provides some validation, or at least something to work on that has hope of emotional reward. When that is gone, we are left with the same struggle to do things for ourselves that we would not hesitate to do for others, even our abusers.

You aren't alone in this, it's common for people who haven't been properly valued, or who have been abused. So it kind of starts there, recognizing the value in ourselves. It helps to be amongst people who do value you, so you should reach out to anyone like that (friends or family). Also you could look into free counseling or support groups. It's something you need help with, so you shouldn't hesitate to seek it out, or to ask. You are definitely worth the effort.
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