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Ashamed of my responce *may trigger*

An Open Discussion on Physical Abuse.

Ashamed of my responce *may trigger*

Postby Tom1967 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 3:03 pm

I am a 40 year old man and have been with my wife since we were 19 we have four boys 2 of which have sereve disabilities and need 24hr care .

As i far as i was concerned we had a near perfect marriage, we spend time together went out for meals and romantic weekends away always surprised each other with random gifts and both had a healthy social life, we would go out together and on our own.

Due to our sons needs my wife wanted to be a stay at home mum so i found a job that cover the costs, we had a joint bank account and she had ( and continues to ) have 100% access to every penny .

Two months ago after my wife done the school run she said we need to talk and told me that she had cheated on me with my best friend, my whole world came crashing down around me i couldnt believe that after 21 years toegther she could do this to me, although it was only 9:30am i turned to drink and wife then followed suit we had a massive argument in which she said she didnt love me anymore and that she was in love with my best friend .

I then totally lost control of my self told her to pack her bags and go she refused so i grabbed her forced her up the stairs pushed to the floor punched her in the arm and shoulder then forced her wedding ring off her finger then pinned her to the bed and choked her for about 3 to 5 seconds , i then stopped and got off her realizing what i was doing she got up sobbing and ran down stairs i followed and sat down she asked if she could leave i told her yes, she asked if i would follow her i told her no she checked that i would be ok to look after the kids i said of course so she went .

Im not making any excuses or reasons why i did it i know it was wrong i know i had no right at all to hurt her i take full responsibility for my choice snd am devastated of the pain fear and anxiety i have left her with i have never laid a hand on snother human being in my life and i am ashamed and disgusted with my self for thinking that i done it to the love of my life and the mother of my children .

We are now currantly seperated ( she has moved out and i am home with the kids ) but are working on things as i stated earlier as i have 2 children that need 24hr care we see each other every day but when she leaves i do not contact her ive told her she can take as much time as she needs im paying for her flat, her food etc anx will continue to for as long as she wishes me to i am in a programme for perprotraors and am finding it really helpfull and would recommend to anyone wishing to change there behaviour to do it .

I have respected her wish for no physical contact and am trying my hardest to let her know she is safe around me i have told my friends and family exactly what i done so nobody thinks she has just walked out on her kids i want people to know its my fault why she has left and not hers in anyway.

Social services have been round and are happy that im not a theat to my kids and that they can live with me.

My wife is seeing a councillor and were getting on fairly well she has since atmitted to me she is not in love with my best friend she just said it hurt me , my issue is my wife dosent want to touched by anyone, me i can understand but she wont even let the kids touch her she saud any kind of physical contact with another person makes her feel sick i like to know how i can help her try to overcome this i know it will take time for her to trust me again ( if she ever does) and im perpared to live with tje consequences of my actions but ours kids need her ?
Last edited by seabreezeblue on Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: added trigger warning to title, no further changes.
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Re: Ashamed of my responce *may trigger*

Postby Terry E. » Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:59 pm

I will come back later I just wanted to say how sorry I am for where you two have wound up. You clearly love each other but life has not be very fair to you both.

Can I ask what are the issues with the children, and how are they coping.

again it hurts to read it.

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