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1y free from abuser but he put me in debt,do I risk contact?

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1y free from abuser but he put me in debt,do I risk contact?

Postby VeraClay67 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 4:07 pm

I was in an abusive relationship for four years. He was emotionally, physically, and financially abusive to me. Before him I had an eating disorder and I guess he kind of took advantage of that by frequently pointing out any little flaw he could find in me, and it was pretty easy because I was already very insecure with myself. It was really easy for me to sink pretty low.

However, eventually, I kind of got sick of it. He kind of brainwashed me into thinking it was all my fault and I was somehow in the wrong, but he was getting mad at everything and I started realizing that it was ridiculous. Long story short, I saved every conversation, took videos, saved pictures, and ended up getting the courage to leave.

He threatened to post pictures of me but I told him about all the evidence I had gathered against him and told him to leave me alone or that I'd go to the police. I was scared that he'd hurt me or my family, but I kind of finally felt like I had the upper hand. Eventually, he stopped calling. It took a lot of time, I had to get another job so he couldn't find me and know where I was, but I had gotten rid of him.

He had left me with a large sum debt, but I had gotten a new job and was determined to start over. However, I've never had the best health, which was something else which was easy for him to take advantage of. I have heart problems, leaving me unable to do a lot of things. It wasn't before long that I lost my job due to frequently fainting due to rapid heart rate and upon tests results found out I needed heart surgery. It kind of hit hard because I was already in debt because of him, and now I had lost my job and had medical bills hitting me.

I got the surgery early last month and have recovered well, but now I literally can't pay my bills. I'm flat broke. I've been out of work for five months and am still trying to go through disability. I don't know what to do. I was going to therapy over this but ended that a long time back due to not being able to afford it. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD, I'm still suffering from really bad nightmares involving him and have really bad reactions to loud noises or I just get really jumpy/ startled in general, but again, I don't know what to do. Should I try to reach out and see if I can get any of the money from him?
Any thoughts/suggestions on what I should do???
Last edited by realityhere on Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 1y free from abuser but he put me in debt,do I risk contact?

Postby HislilPrincess » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:17 pm

I only read the thread topic and the first line of your post.

You were in a abusive relationship - should you risk contact. ? I'm befuddled as to why you need to ask yourself and anyone what you should do. You are free, why would you put yourself in a risky position again ? If you do, you get what is coming to you because you obvious know better. If you don't, forget about this person and move on with life as a free individual who isn't looking for more abuse in life.
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Re: 1y free from abuser but he put me in debt,do I risk contact?

Postby realityhere » Sun Nov 19, 2017 9:40 pm

It's your life, but do you want to go back to that violent person and have that constant fear for your life again? Being in debt is not so fearsome as a violent man in your face is.

We don't know the full extent of your money troubles, but I have one possible suggestion: Find a debt counselor/lawyer pro bono through social services who can provide you with some advice about how to resolve your debts from the previous relationship and your medical bills. I had in the past a large hospital bill for example, but I was upfront with the hospital about my financial situation and their billing department was willing to set up a plan for me to pay small installments to pay down the bill each month. It took me several years to pay off this bill, but the hospital would rather get paid in some fashion than nothing at all. This was one way I resolved a huge medical bill, but it may not apply in your situation--it's just an illustration that honesty and not dodging responsibility is the best policy with debtors. It's possible to declare bankruptcy which would mean your debts are forgiven, but it will impact your credit for several years. For this option, this requires a lawyer to set up.

Hope you continue to recover well from the surgery and that you can eventually seek some kind of work that is not unduly stressful for you and also take up therapy again for the emotional scars some time down the road.
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