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My husband hit me and is remorseful

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My husband hit me and is remorseful

Postby BreakMeLoveMe » Sun Nov 20, 2016 4:06 am

I'm 26 and my husband is 32. We've been together 8 years and married 4. We have a two-year-old son together.

Our relationship and marriage had been good up until three days ago. My husband had been under a great deal of stress at work and dealing with grief over his father sudden death a few months ago.

Which brings me to three days ago. My husband alarm didn't go off and he was late for work. So his day already started on the wrong foot. He drove to work and realized that he forgot to tell me that he couldn't pick our son up from daycare and for me to call my mom to come get him. SO at 4:20, twenty minutes after he was supposed to be picked up the daycare called me.

After I got off the phone with the daycare provider I called my mom to go pick up my son. Then I called my husband. He admitted he forgot and I needed to show him some slack. I told him that he needed to make sure not to forget again because it looks bad on us, and also she charges 0.25 a minute for being late. He hung up on me.

He came home at around eight that night in a bad mood. He was criticizing everything. The house being a mess, his boss being an ass. It went on and on and on. Then he went outside to our garage. After our son was put down to sleep I went out there to talk to him.

He was sitting the bed of his truck staring at the ceiling. I asked him what was wrong. He told me to ###$ off. He was seething and shaking. I told him I wasn't leaving until he told me why he was so mad. He told me to ###$ off again. I should have left then but I was pissed off and I told him to grow up and stop being a baby.

Then he got into my face and I started shouted for him to back up and calm the ###$ down. It was a split second, and I am not sure what really happened but he had slapped me on the side of the face. I fell over. He instantly looked horrified and literally left after that.

I called my mom telling her what happened then went to bed. At around 2 am the police showed up at my house to take my statement. My mom had called the police on him. I told him it was the accident and didn't want to press charges. But they ended up arresting him anyway.

The following day, he called me and apologized. I told him that I had no idea my mom would call the police on him. He said he deserved it. The phone call lasted a few minutes. I told him that I needed some time to process what happened and didn't want to talk to him right now.

Last night, he came home a mess. He had a black eye and a split lip. Turns out my brothers went confronted him and did a number on him for hitting me. We talked for a bit. He told me that he was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me. He went on tell me that he didn't get the promotion he wanted, then his mother showed up at his work to vent, and that it was just a build up of anger. I felt really badly for what my brothers did to him so I let him back in the house but made him sleep on the couch.

Right now I'm feeling so #######5. I wish I had never confided in my mom and now he has to deal with domestic violence charges. I'm not excusing what he did to me, but his actions were so not like him. He instantly regretted what he did and I know he wished he could go back in time. He has said he already contacted a therapist because what he did wasn't okay. And he begged me to forgive him and not leave him over this. I'm just so confused.
Last edited by quietgirl2538 on Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited to filter swear words
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Re: My husband hit me and is remorseful

Postby avatar123 » Mon Nov 21, 2016 7:16 pm

If this behavior is not typical of him, and if he has not threatened or abused you in the past, then it sounds like he reached his limit and momentarily snapped. Obviously it's not cool to do that, but everybody has their limit, beyond which they switch from rational to irrational mode.

Being completely objective, and without intending criticism for either of you, then except for the moment when he snapped, he did all the right things. He was aware that his mood was not good and put distance between you. Men frequently retreat to their man-caves when they can't deal. You followed him and forced the confrontation. That's not an excuse for hitting you, which is wrong no matter what the circumstances. But the incident probably would not have occurred, had you not instigated. It must have been apparent to you that he was agitated and in distress. Calling him a baby and telling him to grow up was insensitive, and was unlikely to positively resolve the situation.

He seemed to realize his error and apologized, and I'm sure he really was remorseful, first that he hit you and second for losing control like that, which most men consider unmanly. It also may have seemed to him like confirmation of what you said to him about being immature. He also has volunteered to get counseling, which he probably needs to deal with the issues that caused him to snap, as much as for snapping and hitting you.

I'd actually be much more concerned about the actions of your family. Your mother was extremely aggressive in reporting him without your agreement and consent, given that with current domestic violence laws, that's almost sure to result in his arrest. Again with the assumption that his behavior was very out of character for him, this may have been an extreme response.

Then for your brothers to engage in open violence against him, is wrong far beyond your husbands actions, and is again an extreme response. He reacted badly in a moment of unpremeditated emotional distress, without intending harm, and immediately regretted it. Your brothers' actions were premeditated & very intentionally designed to cause harm, and were probably carried out without remorse or regret. They are the ones who should be arrested.

If he has apologized to you, I think you should also apologize to him on behalf of your family. Then if your relationship is otherwise good and you think it's worth saving, I would make an effort to work this out with him and very specifically exclude your family from that process. I could not imagine a more negative or destructive influence.
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Re: My husband hit me and is remorseful

Postby Terry E. » Tue Nov 22, 2016 7:17 am

BreakMeLoveMe wrote:
. I should have left then but I was pissed off and I told him to grow up and stop being a baby.



I wish you could take that back

I wish you luck but on the overall scheme of things rating between 1 to 100 a 15 has become a 35.

Will need work all over the place from both of you.

Tread carefully otherwise you may be able to tell your son one day the moment that your marriage failed.

I wish you both luck
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Re: My husband hit me and is remorseful

Postby BreakMeLoveMe » Sat Nov 26, 2016 7:29 pm

My husband and I are separated temporary, until his legal issues are dealt with. I had file a Affidavit of Non-Prosecution with the prosecution, hoping they'll drop the charges. My younger of my two brothers did apologize for ambushing my brother. I think it was more because he was alone in the living room with my brother in our house, while I was upstairs. Overall, I had decided I want to save my marriage and get passed this. He is doing all the right things. So time will tell.
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Re: My husband hit me and is remorseful

Postby quietgirl2538 » Sun Nov 27, 2016 2:57 am

BreakMeLoveMe wrote:Right now I'm feeling so #######5. I wish I had never confided in my mom and now he has to deal with domestic violence charges. I'm not excusing what he did to me, but his actions were so not like him. He instantly regretted what he did and I know he wished he could go back in time. He has said he already contacted a therapist because what he did wasn't okay. And he begged me to forgive him and not leave him over this. I'm just so confused.


I'm sorry life has been so hard for you and your husband right now.

I think that if you could go back and change things, I'm sure you would. This is something to talk in therapy too. I like therapy because it can get people to really start talking and get the relationship to move in the right direction. Or to keep it going that way. Don't be so hard on yourself. Or at least try not to be so hard on yourself. You're not perfect just like he isn't perfect either. Keep us updated on how you are doing. Take care.
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Re: My husband hit me and is remorseful

Postby Terry E. » Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:46 am

BreakMeLoveMe wrote:My husband and I are separated temporary, until his legal issues are dealt with. I had file a Affidavit of Non-Prosecution with the prosecution, hoping they'll drop the charges. My younger of my two brothers did apologize for ambushing my brother. I think it was more because he was alone in the living room with my brother in our house, while I was upstairs. Overall, I had decided I want to save my marriage and get passed this. He is doing all the right things. So time will tell.


Congrats, that is so good to hear. You may both come out of this stronger for the future. Thank you very much for the update. I wish you both every success, moving forward.
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