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Cliché - but could I be pushing his buttons?

An Open Discussion on Physical Abuse.

Cliché - but could I be pushing his buttons?

Postby MarioLuigi » Sat May 21, 2016 2:02 pm

I want to clarify whether I am being abused emotionally and physically or if perhaps I really am to blame for a lot of this behaviour. Tonight I was camping with my partner and his 9 yr old son (after having a great day skating and swimming and seeing a movie all together) and my partner got frustrated while we were setting up camp. He usually does get a bit frustrated when we are setting up as he thinks he is doing all the work or I am being critical. I pointed out that the tent was perhaps too close to the car and he aggressively told me to move the car then. I initially had to move the surfboard which was underneath the car but by this point my partner decided that I was taking too long and started to move the car himself. I angrily responded (I'm definitely not one to back down from a fight or dismissive put down) and I told him that I wasn't 'messing about' I was in fact moving the surfboard. He is absolutely certain that I swore when I told him this. Personally I cannot remember but I may have... And so he grabbed the back of my neck and shoved me towards the ground. I quickly regained myself and (in a raised voice) said wtf did you do that for? To which he responded that I should stop swearing and raising my voice at him. Of course I thought this ridiculous so I continued and said something alone the lines of 'of course I will f***ing swear at you because you just shoved me to the ground.' To this he decided to grab me by the throat and tell me to shut the f*** up. Again I angrily responded questioning why the f was he doing this? He then got so angry he took down the entire tent and told me him and his son were leaving and he didn't care that he was leaving me there. This was the main altercation. Afterwards there was a lot of to and fro and it has now ended in him being so angry that I cannot talk to him until tomorrow. Even though he recognizes it was wrong of what he did to me he still thinks it is my fault for pushing his buttons. I tried to talk through this 'concept' stage by stage but he wasn't interested, told me I was playing games and that it is getting worse because now we have just bought a house together.
I don't understand why things took such a turn for the worst or why it seems like I am playing any games with him. I'm very unsure of my life right now or where this leaves us. Any opinions I'd be grateful. I am trying to be honest in all I portray so I can get a full rounded view.

A short background.
I've been with my partner for nearly 2 years now and it's been a bumpy road. Over the first few months things would often seem a little off. I found out that he had a 9yr old son about 3 months in which he hid from me. This was difficult for me to process - I love kids but more the lie factor. I found out over the first 9 or so months on about 2-3 occasions that he was using online dating very casually. I don't believe he did ever meet with anyone but again it is the betrayal. I have a history of being betrayed in my relationships and take this very personably when it happens. I also have severe depression. Over the past 6 months it has gotten worse and I have been seeing a psychiatrist but sometimes I wonder if my partner is part of the reason I am depressed... Because of some 'things' he does to me- or if I only see these things as a symptom of my depression. When I have a massive depressive episode I have hit/punched/scratched him before but never to a point that I've really hurt him as he is much much stronger than me - I usually only hurt myself. During these massive depressive episodes are the only other time that he has ever physically hurt me because I can get so overwhelming etc.
This is really the first and only time that he has just gotten so angry over something so ridiculous that he has hurt me. And nearly infront of his son.
I know I have put a lot of strain on our relationship but we are working together to fix my depression issues. We haven't been fighting for days so I was so surprised when this happened tonight.
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