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Abused and seeking advice

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Abused and seeking advice

Postby Msanony1 » Fri Jul 31, 2015 5:03 am

Hi everyone. I don't have anyone to talk to and would appreciate any helpful thoughts/advice.

Long story short.. I've been in an abusive relationship for over a year and I no longer want to be his punching bag. It's a bit more difficult cus I live with him and well, I would like to break this bad cycle. I know there are plenty options to choose from but right now I feel like I would be most comfortable telling my older brother. I don't know how he would react.. If he would want to beat this dude for touching his little sister or if he would go about it.. Gracefully? That probably isn't the best word choice but I don't know how else to say it.

I have photos of my past injuries and texts between us that implies he's abusive. Sometimes I feel angry and want all his friends and family to know what a monster he is but another part of me isn't sure if it's worth the embarrassment. I don't know if I would even feel satisfied if he got in trouble with the law or should I leave quietly? I want his abuse to be exposed yet I don't want to be known as the one who stayed with an abusive manchild. Bleh very confused and feeling very dumb/weak.

Thanks in advance..
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Re: Abused and seeking advice

Postby Terry E. » Fri Jul 31, 2015 9:16 pm

The answers to your post are longer than the time I have right now (early morning and I am rushing).

The big thing for me here is that you are moving on. You are moving out, correct?

The next question is how you go about trying to address change his behaviour. Possibly tell your brother, but things could escalate and your brother could have assault charges brought against him in a worse case scenario, so maybe not the best idea, If something happens and you need to run for shelter then yes, but otherwise maybe not best.

I think you maybe be wondering about what needs to be done so others don't get preyed upon. I suggest taking your evidence to the authorities and see if it can be put on record. This may only happen if he is actually charged and you may not want to go that far. If not when you leave, I would have some support, a kind strong understanding brother would be good here, and tell him you have kept photos and if he does not change his ways and you here about him abusing other women you will come forward then and at that time your evidence may be used against him.

Taking such a stand will empower you but make sure you have physical support, don't put yourself at risk.

And don't feel bad about winding up with this guy, Happens all round the world all the time. The good thing is you have seen it now, not had your head in the sand. From your post I have seen some strength there.

Anyway I hope this gives you something to think about.
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Re: Abused and seeking advice

Postby seabreezeblue » Sat Aug 01, 2015 8:49 am

definitely don't feel bad about ending up with him - it shows him to be a violent idiot, you to be trusting and caring - nothing to be ashamed of at all for you.

I'm really glad that you've got a good support system around you and you've been making solid plans to leave..
What i personally did in a similar situation was to talk to my uncle and although i worried a little bit about the consequences, I asked him to to touch the guy but to support me through instead..
do you think your brother would listen to you like that? you may need to calm him down a bit at first but if you explain to him that the support you need involves him being there rather than in prison, i would think he'll be able to resist the urge to knock your ex out..

Maybe though, a domestic violence safe house could work for you - could you go to the police and explain..?
please don't feel embarrassed - staying with someone that is abusive happens all over the world - usually because the abusive partner makes their partner feel sorry for them or makes then feel like it's their fault somehow.. there's also veery often the thought that if you left right now - would tomorrow have been the day that they go back to being the person you fell in love with? - would tomorrow have been the day where they went to seek help and opened their eyes to what they're doing to you..
all really really difficult but today is all that matters here - today is the most important one xx
Shine me a light up
and i'll run round the moon..
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