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Is this really abuse, and what role have I played in it?

An Open Discussion on Physical Abuse.

Re: Is this really abuse, and what role have I played in it?

Postby Seangel » Sat Jan 24, 2015 4:08 am

Hi TJ,

Well, it sounds like good news. I don't understand why a father would give up custody. Can't he travel out of state, and still have custody?

Any how, if he is away, then you and your kids are safe, and that's the most important really.

I'm glad your heart was lifted a bit.

Sea
Taking myself some time away from PF. Sea (Dec, 2016)
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Re: Is this really abuse, and what role have I played in it?

Postby Seangel » Mon Mar 09, 2015 11:25 pm

Hi TJ,

How are you and your kids? I've thought about you during this month. I've thought about how you are doing, how your kids are doing. I hope you are all alright.

Two important dates have already happened since we last talked, among many others: Billion Raising Date (February 14th) and Woman's Day (March 8th). I've read so much about topic, about how women are empowering themselves, about the violence exerted on them, about how new masculinities are required.

I hope to read about you soon, and more than that I hope you and your kids are safe.

Sea
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Re: Is this really abuse, and what role have I played in it?

Postby trombonejazz » Mon Mar 23, 2015 12:12 am

Hi Sea,

I haven't checked in here in a long time. Thanks for asking about me.

We are all alright, thank you. My husband took a job several hours away and moved down there. He still comes us most weekends to visit me and the kids. He is pressuring me to move down with him, but I haven't made any decisions yet. I told him I at least want to wait until our oldest son is finished with the school year. So I'm doing that.

I'm confused on what I want to do long-term still. I'm having a difficult time figuring it out.

Hope you are well too. And thanks for checking in on us :)
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Re: Is this really abuse, and what role have I played in it?

Postby Seangel » Mon Apr 20, 2015 4:16 am

Hi TJ!

It's so good to read you. I don't know why I didn't see this before. It's been almost a month since you posted it.

I'm very glad to know you are ok.

Hey, I hope you make a wise decision. Try to not let him pressure you, try to think as if it were a friend, what advise would you give her? Think about your kids, yourself, and other options you may have.

How have you been feeling?

Take good care of you and your kids.

I'm doing well, tons of work, but things are doing well. :)

Sea
Taking myself some time away from PF. Sea (Dec, 2016)
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Re: Is this really abuse, and what role have I played in it?

Postby trombonejazz » Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:16 pm

Hi Seangel,

I know it's been a long time. Wanted to give an update. I moved in with my parents at the end of May with my kids. I'm officially separated from my husband. I don't know if I will ever go back with him. I've asked him to go to individual counseling, but so far he is refusing. He says he knows in his heart that he has changed, but I'm nervous about just believing him without him doing something "real" to prove that he has changed. Right now, I'm looking for a job (a career job), but I haven't worked for 4 years so I'm hoping an engineering company will give me another chance. We will see.

I hope you are well. I don't even know if you will get this!
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Re: Is this really abuse, and what role have I played in it?

Postby Seangel » Wed Aug 26, 2015 12:51 am

Hi TJ,

It's SO good to have news about you.

I am really glad to know you all are doing fine. You did such a hard work!

Not long ago I run into a "What is abuse?" article and posted it:

What is abuse

I thought so much about you and your kids, and hoped you all were alright.

trombonejazz wrote:I've asked him to go to individual counseling, but so far he is refusing. He says he knows in his heart that he has changed, but I'm nervous about just believing him without him doing something "real" to prove that he has changed.


Oh, gosh. This is tough. Are you going to some counseling? I think 4 months is not nearly enough time for someone to change his violent behavior specially if he hasn't done some "real" work. Be careful, I would strongly suggest you supporting yourself on a therapist to discuss this decision.

How could he really showed he has changed? Remember that your lives where in danger, and leaving was so tough. And that many times doubt and him blaming you, made your decision so much tougher.

trombonejazz wrote:Right now, I'm looking for a job (a career job), but I haven't worked for 4 years so I'm hoping an engineering company will give me another chance. We will see.


I'm really happy to read this. Look for great opportunities, and for sure you will have another, many chances in engineering companies.

You are a very strong and brave woman TJ. I feel very happy for you and your kids.

trombonejazz wrote:I hope you are well


I am doing very well, your news bring lots of joy to me.

trombonejazz wrote:I don't even know if you will get this!


I did get it. :mrgreen:

Sea
Taking myself some time away from PF. Sea (Dec, 2016)
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