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Going Crazy with Permissive Parent Friend

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Going Crazy with Permissive Parent Friend

Postby PermissiveParentHelp » Fri Dec 22, 2017 12:28 am

Hello, I have a problem with a friend who I believe is creating the perfect defiant child. I adore this friend and try to advise her, but she always says the "yeah but," and goes on doing what she is doing that is not working.

She has a son who she claims has ADD. Her brother, who majored in Sociology and I do not feel this child meets the basics of ADD, but we both feel she has spoiled him to death. He's a bright, extremely attractive and very athletic child who has major entitlement issues. His mother is more focused on her husband's infidelity in the past and her financial assets, than seeking any meaningful therapy for her son's condition. Consequently, her son is becoming more and more defiant and she is growing more and more afraid of him.

The child has called the police on his mother and faked abuse charges. He has stolen credit cards from her and charged things online. He regularly runs away and she refuses to have the police get involved when he damages her home, threatens to hit her, or screams obscenities at her. He grew up in a household where both her and the father regularly scream obscenities and insults at one another. And where the father has mentally checked out. The father makes excuses to leave the house and avoid parenting altogether.

The little boy also has a sweet and sensitive side, but I believe he feels lonely, so he seeks negative attention. The problem is, no matter what he does, she doesn't stick with any meaningful punishment. If she takes his phone away, she gives it back. If he steals from her, she buys him things if he demands it. She does everything to meet the child's ridiculous demands and the child is extremely materialistic. He's been coddled and protected his entire life. He is now in his teens.

He does behave though when her brother is stern with him, or when others are stern with him. It's her that he calls filthy names and is disobedient with.

I've told her she needs to get him treatment for the defiance. The problem is, the father is checked out on that too. He simply doesn't care and she won't divorce the man. She calls me so often in hysteria because she can't deal with the boy. She listens to no one. She insists it's not her, it's the boy. It's clear the boy is reacting to a horrible familial dynamic. Her brother has even offered to take the boy in because he pays attention to him, but she refuses to allow that.

How do you help someone like this? I really am tired of hearing her crying all of the time and doing nothing, but I care about her as a friend. I'm growing very upset over her family problems and I want peace. What do I do, other than be supportive?
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Re: Going Crazy with Permissive Parent Friend

Postby eterea107 » Sun Dec 24, 2017 7:35 pm

I agree there’s a problem but I would only give advice if asked. I’d let her know I’m there for her. Rough situation.
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