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How to help a daughter in depression without conflicting wit

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How to help a daughter in depression without conflicting wit

Postby myannie » Wed Apr 19, 2017 7:08 am

Hello everyone!

I hope someone can help me with advice and response. I have a serious double dual problem and I will try to be as concise as possible.
My 19yr old daughter has finished her high scholl last summer and she started a college. Things being as they are: a high school of her choice was not a demanding one and she used that to the maximum, so her choice of college was limited. Very soon she discovered this is the choice that does not fit her at all. After the shock we all adapted and expressed our willingness to support her whatever she decides.
She chose to find a job and found one that demanded a sort of professional education course. She went through it, but her nerves were already shaken and it showed during the course: she was not accepted for the job and one of the mentors told her why.
Now she is completely down and rejects every help we can offer.
She is rude and always on the brink of tears. I know this is her coping mechanism (a very bad one for that matter).
I am aware that we should not force her to anything, but we also should not give her up. My viewpoint is that we should be here for her but that she should cooperate at least a little bit. She is aware she needs a job, because she told us many times she does not want to study: "She is not fit for it." (her words).
So, she rejects conversations, she is trying to find some kind of job. I know that due to economy she will most probably live through some more disappointments and I just want to tell her that we are here if she needs us.
I need to add: she is educated for a specific job after her high school, but she "does not like it". Sometimes I see just a spoiled brat in her and sometimes a helpless girl.

My husband is shaken, too, but being a different person and probably with some traits of borderline personality, he often behaves like a bull in a China Shop. I know he wants to help her, but his actions are always shadowed by finding a guilty person. So we cannot talk reasonably, he always gives his very dramatic remarks pointing out that I should deal with them. I do not want to strike back and accuse him, though I could. Mind: in every parenting when things go wrong, both parents are "guilty"! I am tired of this, I am completely for mutual action which can help us all, but he is sabotaging the process - in my opinion.

I do not want to spare our daughter from everyday difficulties, I just want to prepare her to deal with them as good as possible, knowing that her family is with her. She does not respect that.
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