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Does anyone else feel this way ?

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Does anyone else feel this way ?

Postby Neverfeelaccepted » Fri Dec 11, 2015 7:56 am

I really want to die because of what I am. I know a lot of people out there want me dead as well because of what I am. I feel like a monster but I am not. Wish the general public could and would know that. That will never happen though. I do hurt myself everyday mostly because of what i am. It is what the general public would want. For me to suffer. I am a disgrace to society and always will be. I can't change who I am or how I was born. I don't want to either I just wish I could be accepted in society. I talked to a helpline and the nurse practitioner or psychiatrist I talked to said she dealt with many people having the same feelings I do. I was surprised but they never labeled themselves. I know what I am but don't always like writing it down because it could be used against me. If I could do anything in my life right now it would be to meet other people like me but that would not be easy. I do know from online people like me from the ages of 14 to 60. Some of them have done things others not so much. They haven't told me what they have done though. I really don't want to know.

The anxiety of what I am eats me up everyday in life unless I am at home. Anytime I go out though it is hell. I feel trapped. I feel like I have to stay home. I am like a prisoner in my own home. Hate feeling like this but there is no way around it. I wish there was a way to not feel like this. The only way is if we were accepted in the world and that will never happen. That is why I want to die sometimes. It is better off to be dead then have to go through that everyday.
The only thing that gives me peace mostly is when sleeping. I don't have to worry about what anyone thinks or says. Sometimes it is difficult to want to get out of bed at all because I know what the day will bring. Just more anxiety, fear, and saddness. No one can really change that either.
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Re: Does anyone else feel this way ?

Postby Maligan12 » Fri Dec 11, 2015 9:00 am

Yeah, I've been there. Except the wanting to die part.

A lot of people are pretty stupid. But the reason there is so much vitriol for pedophiles isn't just ignorance and concern for children. Often there is no real concern for children at all.

Some people just need someone to hate. And rather than have the temerity or strength to go against the grain, they vent their fear and anxiety on a group they know they will not be condemned for hating. They don't even care so much of you harm children; it is the very thought of pedophilia, even if celibate, that offends them.
Let's judge each other on our actions.
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Re: Does anyone else feel this way ?

Postby Jacob123 » Fri Dec 11, 2015 6:03 pm

I feel this way sometimes. It's something I felt more often in the past, before I told anyone. I think I still have a tendency to be unkind to myself in little ways, like foregoing sleep and skipping meals when I'm working, in hopes that my poetry will someday comfort people like us and give us a voice. The biggest flaw in my attitude towards myself is that I feel deep down that I have to earn my humanity. I feel like I have to divide myself up and make a bonfire of the parts, just so people will see in its light that my face is human. (sorry if that's too metaphorical...)

Usually when I start feeling that way too intensely, I end up telling someone new about my situation. Recently, I told a group of about eight people in my church. I think it made some of them uncomfortable, but that seems like the only way forward at times. I've realized that even if I don't tell anyone, I'm still going to have these attractions and the consequent sense of exclusion. Since I didn't choose to be this way and I haven't acted on my attractions, I have every right to say who I am and not feel ashamed. For me, it's starting to feel less like a secret, and more like an unacknowledged fact about who I am and what kind of social support I need.
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