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New paraphilia support forum

Paraphilias message board, open discussion, and online support group.
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The Paraphilias Forum is now closed for new posts. It is against the Forum Rules to discuss paraphilias as the main topic of a post anywhere at PsychForums.

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You are entering a forum that contains discussions of a sexual nature, some of which are explicit. The topics discussed may be offensive to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum.

This forum is intended to be a place where people can support each other in finding healing and healthy ways of functioning. Discussions that promote illegal activity will not be tolerated. Please note that this forum is moderated, and people who are found to be using this forum for inappropriate purposes will be banned. Psychforums works hard to ensure that this forum is law abiding. Moderators will report evidence of illegal activity to the police.

Re: New paraphilia support forum

Postby Wally58 » Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:14 pm

Thank You Ada. Yes, most of my afflictions are multifaceted. Different symptoms are better or worse on different days. I change like the weather. I have questions about why I think and desire what I do.
The other 'life' issues are the ones that I hope will continue to be discussed elsewhere on Psychforums.
Everyday is self-discovery for me and the members here have helped me in my quest significantly.
Much of the Paraphilia, Fetish and BDSM content here would likely be unsuitable and misunderstood in other forums with people that didn't suffer from these particular attributes.
We do NOT delete posts

Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
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Re: New paraphilia support forum

Postby Ada » Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:25 pm

"Mentioning" is one thing. "I'm feeling really depressed and stressed. Usually I try A and B to cope. But it's not helping. I'm worried about E and F and G and talking to my therapist about my paedophilia for the first time." That's fine.

"I'm obsessed about this young girl that I saw in the shop today. I can't stop thinking about her. It was her small hands that were particularly attractive. I know I shouldn't have stared but couldn't help it. It's making me sad to remember them. What do I do?" Better in Graveyard's forum, Virped, or some other safe environment.

I think some people have been using the boards in this way for years. When they want support, without specifically mentioning their paraphilia.

Erastes wrote:Will the mods then inform the other members that I wasn't eligible for full support on the grounds of my sexuality?

No. We don't discuss modding decisions in public now. That won't change once this forum closes.

Whilst everyone else will be able to talk about causes, we will be second-class members only permitted to talk about symptoms.

No, I don't think that's the case either. It's just IF the cause is solely a paraphila. You can't focus your talk around that. At that point, it starts to verge off topic, anyway. If someone's depressed because of a rape, for instance. Talking about the depression fits well in one of the Mood Disorder forums. Talking about the rape itself. Fits better in Abuse. So many threads have a focus on symptoms rather than causes already. That's not about having "classes." Just about keeping reasonably on topic within a given part of the forum. Which means more people can relate. Rather than people with the same root cause, as is currently more common.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


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Re: New paraphilia support forum

Postby Erastes » Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:41 pm

Ada wrote:"Mentioning" is one thing. "I'm feeling really depressed and stressed. Usually I try A and B to cope. But it's not helping. I'm worried about E and F and G and talking to my therapist about my paedophilia for the first time." That's fine.

"I'm obsessed about this young girl that I saw in the shop today. I can't stop thinking about her. It was her small hands that were particularly attractive. I know I shouldn't have stared but couldn't help it. It's making me sad to remember them. What do I do?" Better in Graveyard's forum, Virped, or some other safe environment.


That sounds positive. I don't see why people would need to go into lascivious detail anyway. I would only ever want to say things like 'I know the root of my depression is a mixture of society's response to my paedophilia and the fact that I'll never be able to have someone to love in the way that "normal" people can'. Surely that's fair?

Ada wrote:No, I don't think that's the case either. It's just IF the cause is solely a paraphila. You can't focus your talk around that. At that point, it starts to verge off topic, anyway. If someone's depressed because of a rape, for instance. Talking about the depression fits well in one of the Mood Disorder forums. Talking about the rape itself. Fits better in Abuse. So many threads have a focus on symptoms rather than causes already. That's not about having "classes." Just about keeping reasonably on topic within a given part of the forum. Which means more people can relate. Rather than people with the same root cause, as is currently more common.


Actually, I think that's the only good thing about the closure of this board. Because in the past I think there was a tendency to move threads here even if there was only the slightest hint of a paraphilia. If I want to talk about my anxiety, and ask for tips on dealing with certain manifestations of it, and I happen to mention in passing that it's all down to my sexuality, I'd still rather it gets dealt with on the anxiety board, as those are the seasoned anxiety veterans I'd be seeking advice from.
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Re: New paraphilia support forum

Postby Ada » Tue Dec 15, 2015 10:49 pm

Erastes wrote:I don't see why people would need to go into lascivious detail anyway. I would only ever want to say things like 'I know the root of my depression is a mixture of society's response to my paedophilia and the fact that I'll never be able to have someone to love in the way that "normal" people can'. Surely that's fair?

If that's all you said, then no. That's focusing on the paraphilia. But if that's at the end of three paragraphs. About the effects of the depression. Or how you're dealing with it. Or a new thing you're trying with your therapist. Then it's likely to be no issue. :)
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Re: New paraphilia support forum

Postby Otter » Thu Dec 17, 2015 11:41 pm

I just wanted to address "sub forums" issue for the new forum, or any forum for that matter. I have been running my own forum since 2006. It took me a while to find the right balance of sub forums to the amount of traffic I had.

My feeling is, the less the traffic, the less sub forums one should have. However, the forums that are assigned to "general subjects" (and you should have a forum like that if you don't have a high volume of traffic) should have text that encourages a range of subjects, by naming some examples, but not being exclusive to those examples.

In this way a general forum can contain many different subjects within it, that might not get as much attention from people who wouldn't visit if that subject had it's own forum.

If that makes sense.

It is also smart to assign a mod or two as soon as you can, even if things aren't that busy. It helps to give someone mod abilities, so that they can delete spam (should you have any), and also being able to delete content that could get the owner in trouble, etc.

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Re: New paraphilia support forum

Postby Graveyard76 » Fri Dec 18, 2015 3:01 am

Prairie gal wrote:That's great that Graveyard is offering a support group. I won't be joining because, well, I think you all need and deserve a place where you can discuss things without being observed or questioned by someone who does not have a paraphilia.

I did learn a lot from you, and I hope you saw on Psych Forums that not everyone in society hates or disrespects you because you have a paraphilia. Because of my time here, I will be your ally in society. Just the other day on a forum I spoke up when people made jokes and awful comments about a man who had been arrested for bestiality with a horse. I mentioned that, as much as his actions disgusted us, he is a human being with a paraphilia. Before this forum, I don't think I would have said anything.

If I offended anyone by expressing an opinion too strongly, I'm sorry.

I wish you all well. Whatever you do, don't isolate yourselves. There will always be people somewhere who want to love and support you ... and people who need you and your unique
gifts.

God bless you.


God bless you too, Prairie girl.

Thanks for being a really good friend. Never underestimate how much it's worth to hear from somebody like you, who sees things objectively, and talks to people such as us like human beings.

Thank you! You've been fantastic!
"Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another." - The 7th Doctor.

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