Necrophiles - Why Are You Sexually Attracted To Dead People?

First of all, here is the definition of necrophilia:

"Necrophilia is a paraphilia which involves an individual sexually aroused by fantasies of or actual sexual contact with a deceased person. Contact between the necrophile and the corpse may range from penile-vaginal intercourse to anal intercourse, oral sex, or masturbation in the presence of a corpse."

"Officially, one must experience at least six months of intense, recurring urges or fantasies involving sexual contact with corpses to be diagnosed with necrophilia, and these feelings must alter one’s behavior or cause one significant distress."

Source: http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/necrophilia

My theory is that necrophilia stems from some form of insecurity or fear and there are many articles I've read online that seem to agree with me, but some necrophiles here have claimed that theory is wrong.

According to the article in the source mentioned above:

"A desire to have sex with dead people may stem from an intense fear of interacting with potential living partners. Necrophiliacs may view corpses as emotionally or physically non-threatening. Some necrophiliacs may be attracted to the fact that corpses cannot reject, disagree, manipulate or abuse them. They may also enjoy the feeling of being completely in control."

What I don't understand from those who disagree with that opinion is, if you really don't have any insecurities or fears related to living people and you can maintain healthy relationships with them, why would you be attracted to dead people? What could a dead person possibly offer you that a living person can't?

I'm curious how some of you developed your initial attraction to the dead. When did you begin to realize that you are sexually attracted to dead people?

Do you enjoy sex with living people?

Why are living people not enough to satisfy your sexual desires?

Does being a necrophile cause you distress? If yes, why?

And finally, were you raised in a healthy, stable environment?

I'm an exclusive necrophile (female, attracted to men).
If you're asking these questions out of honest curiosity then I'll humor you. Even if you aren't, I suppose these are things other people may be wondering about.

What I don't understand from those who disagree with that opinion is, if you really don't have any insecurities or fears related to living people and you can maintain healthy relationships with them, why would you be attracted to dead people? What could a dead person possibly offer you that a living person can't?

Honestly, nothing, except for the fact that they interest me in a way that living people don't.
I don't know if that's the answer you're looking for but for me, at least, it's as simple as that.
I don't have a desire to be in a relationship with living people, but I do have a desire to be in a relationship with dead people.
I think you're kind of missing the point. You sound exactly like my father. People don't have to be useful in order to be attractive. Maybe in your world they do, but plenty of people out there are attracted to things and people who have nothing objectively useful to offer.

I'm curious how some of you developed your initial attraction to the dead. When did you begin to realize that you are sexually attracted to dead people?

I finally realized it when I was 15 but it developed before then. I just hadn't identified my feelings as necrophilia until high school. I went through a number of labels related to asexual until I finally realized that I had attractions to dead people.

Do you enjoy sex with living people?

I had only a few sexual experiences when I was younger, with a boyfriend, and really disliked them. Would never try again.

Why are living people not enough to satisfy your sexual desires?

They're weird, I don't understand what's supposed to be so attractive about them. To me they're not beautiful enough.
I'm also not into body heat. I find it weird. I don't understand what's supposed to be fun about being all hot and sweaty and stuff during sex.

Does being a necrophile cause you distress? If yes, why?

Necrophilia itself doesn't cause me distress, I like my attractions and feelings, but not being able to have a dead boyfriend kind of hurts sometimes.

And finally, were you raised in a healthy, stable environment?

Define healthy and stable. I have two parents and had plenty of money growing up. But my father's kind of a dick and my family is extremely religious. So I was raised in a really shaming environment. On the other hand, I went to good schools and I had good friends. So parts of my life were great and parts of my life sucked.
I've also had depression since I was 11, and was really emotionally unstable in middle school, but I'm doing a lot better now.

Dark Soul wrote:What I don't understand from those who disagree with that opinion is, if you really don't have any insecurities or fears related to living people and you can maintain healthy relationships with them, why would you be attracted to dead people? What could a dead person possibly offer you that a living person can't?

Nothing, just another kind of beauty. That kind of beauty living people lack. I'm not exclusive. I like living women too, but I realize that dead people have that special thing living people lack, and it attracts me. It's not related to power or control, but to physical characteristics such as pallor mortis, livor mortis, decomposition....or bones.

Dark Soul wrote:I'm curious how some of you developed your initial attraction to the dead. When did you begin to realize that you are sexually attracted to dead people?

Last year. I don't know how it developed. I think I was simply born with it and found out last year when I found out about all the other paraphilias I have.

Do you enjoy sex with living people?

I didn't have many sexual experiences, but I'd say yes, a lot.

Why are living people not enough to satisfy your sexual desires?

I've never thought they're not enough. They're just different. I'm attracted to both though.

Does being a necrophile cause you distress? If yes, why?

It doesn't cause me distress. It's society's view of necrophilia that causes me distress.

And finally, were you raised in a healthy, stable environment?

Yes, I was.

Hope a response from a non-necrophile will be welcome here. My perception is that there has always been a tendency among the more mediocre minds in the scientific community to explain sexual proclivities or romantic predispositions that do not fit a fairly narrow normative framework by recourse to ad hominem-style descriptions. "They can't get laid with normal adults" is both scientifically baseless and frankly extremely lazy, whatever sexuality you might be referring to. They used to do the same with gay people (e.g. "he can't get a woman so he chases men instead"). I'm primarily attracted to young girls, but I've had far more sex with adults than I probably deserve (fuelled by confidence and nice clothes more than by any intrinsic aesthetic merits). I fancy girls because they're hot, not because I can't get laid with women. And I can't see how it would be any different with necrophiles.

ctithe wrote:Hope a response from a non-necrophile will be welcome here. My perception is that there has always been a tendency among the more mediocre minds in the scientific community to explain sexual proclivities or romantic predispositions that do not fit a fairly narrow normative framework by recourse to ad hominem-style descriptions. "They can't get laid with normal adults" is both scientifically baseless and frankly extremely lazy, whatever sexuality you might be referring to. They used to do the same with gay people (e.g. "he can't get a woman so he chases men instead"). I'm primarily attracted to young girls, but I've had far more sex with adults than I probably deserve (fuelled by confidence and nice clothes more than by any intrinsic aesthetic merits). I fancy girls because they're hot, not because I can't get laid with women. And I can't see how it would be any different with necrophiles.

You nailed it!
Thank you, your response is much appreciated.

I think you'll find that that those 'scientific' writings are a source of comedy for most necrophiles.

Most of them are based on nothing more than conjectural profiling. Some of them are based on studies using convicted criminals as test cases. None of them (or at least none that I'm aware of) have any insight to offer about the lives or mentalities of the thousands (millions?) of law-abiding, perfectly decent people who live with this paraphilia.

It's the easiest thing in the world for some boffin with letters after his name to publish a load of conjecture and waffle about necrophilia, and pass it on as fact to people who don't know any better. Maybe they don't know any better themselves, but they do this in the knowledge that nobody is likely to put their heads above the parapet and challenge it from a necrophile's perspective.

I've been aware of sexual feelings for dead people since the age of ten, which was years before I even knew there was a term for it. For a long time, I believed that I was the only person in the world to feel this way, even though it felt as natural and normal to me as night following day.

That may have been the age when I was first aware of sexual feelings, but my attraction to dead people goes back a lot longer. Very early on in my childhood, my father took me to see some exhibition which contained mummified people, and they definitely made an impression on me. My first school had a playground that backed onto a churchyard, and I remember 'feeling' for the people in those graves, and being concerned for them abandoned in the ground by their families.

It was when I was ten years old, that I grew attached to the grave of a 19 year old girl who had died in the 1940s. That was my awakening, so to speak. That was when I became aware of what I was, and as I've said, it felt absolutely natural to me. I believed that when I was old enough to have a home of my own, I'd find a way to have that girl with me.

Needless to say it never happened. I moved away before I left school, and found myself doing the normal things, having normal relationships etc. The girl in the grave remained special to me though, and I still visited her once or twice a year. Despite living the ordinary life, and becoming a father, necrophilia was a part of me that I was always aware of, but I got on with life pretty well.

When I was 27, I encountered a mummified/dessicated woman from the 19th century when I was doing some work on a church. That was like a second awakening, and it's since then that necrophilia has been something I've found quite 'heavy' to live with. Almost twelve years later, that woman can still move me to tears if I think about her. I'd definitely say I fell in love with her, and time hasn't made that any easier.

You asked: Do you enjoy sex with living people? and: Why are living people not enough to satisfy your sexual desires?

Yes, I enjoy sex with living people who mean something to me. It's not something I like to compare with my feelings regarding necrophilia, mainly because I feel it disrespects those living partners somewhat. I mean, people who have sex with blow-up dolls probably enjoy the experience, but blow-up dolls aren't likely to be their actual preference, if you see what I mean.

Does being a necrophile cause me distress? Yes, at times. Ask any paraphile whose attraction isn't socially acceptable, and they'll likely say that it's a weight. It's in the back of your mind in social situations, when you're getting on well with people, and that little voice in the back of your mind says that these people would think you're disgusting if they knew.

That's fairly easy to deal with though, for the most part. The hardest thing is knowing I'll never be able to have the kind of love in my life that most people take for granted. I'll never be able to 'rescue' that mummified woman and bring her home to 'live' with me. That's quite heavy at the best of times, and it can often manifest itself as a panic attack. It's what I live with though, and I sort of cope with it by doing some grave tending, and telling myself that these feeling are not meaningless, even if I'm the only one they matter to.