I fear being a pedophile.

Here we go...

Some 40 years ago I enlisted in the military and was stationed in the Phillipines for about a year.

As a young kid you don't know a ######6 thing about those places. Hell, you were in high school not too long ago. So being young and dumb ya just follow the older guys around.

So ya hit the bars, something all young guys do and you would have also. You can't walk in any bar over there and not be surrounded by..."buy me drink?" So what do you do? Yep, you do what young guys do. These girls are working in bars and nobody gives a fat ###$ about anything. Let me stress....NOBODY!!!!!...cares.

I had sex with dozens of these Filipino girls and I didn't ask questions, I was just trying to relieve stress. I found out later that most of these girls were 12-years old and working girls.

Now.......once you get older and learn about how things really were there with the sex slavery thing ya get pissed off about that situation. Those poor girls and why weren't we told of their plight?

But I always think about it and I've never found the same pleasure in older women. I have been married to my wife J for 20 years but it's not the same. I haven't acted on my urges, but all I think about is sex with those young Asian girls, I can't feel the same way about anything else, I fear it has scarred me and I'm only attracted to young, underaged girls.

I have many troubles in my life. I am 280 pounds and have been severely overweight for about 15 years now. I have a terrible gambling habit that has cost me thousands of dollars and I can't stop. My son is a constant disappointment and we don't have a good relationship.

When you have such a depressing life, you try to think positive, but I fear that my experiences in the military has made me feel ashamed of my sexual preferences and I can't get over it. I've tried to talk about it on other forums but they just ridicule me and attack me. I can't get over it.

Of course any man wants to have sex with young Asian girls. That is not abnormal. -- Meanwhile -- back on planet Reality: you are married, probably don't live in Asia, are fifty or so years old, have various responsibilities, probably a vocation, friends, family, and society and the law are today what they are.

Your cellphone is out of power -- that's reality.

You've just been diagnosed with cancer -- that's reality.

You're serving a life sentence in federal prison -- that's reality.

Some schools of counseling suggest that problem solving isn't really what makes people feel better: what does is authentic communication, and genuinely appreciating how things are.

You have a little bit of opportunity to talk about life here. Try and say what you said without the story-telling narrative: "Just the facts Ma'am", as Sergent Friday would say: separate the facts from the interpretation: being 280 is a fact, calling it a "trouble" is interpretation; your gambling is a fact, calling it "terrible" is interpretation, you have some factual relationship with your son: calling it "not good" and the disappointment "constant" are interpretation. That's not to say you aren't really experiencing feelings: you mention disappointment and depression.

Speaking for my self personally, if I were to give advice, I wouldn't suggest for you "try to think positive". But to try to think realistically and factually. Accept that here is the situation of your life. This is how it is. Sit with it. These are your feelings: be with them.

You probably won't be having much sex with young Asian girls -- that's reality.

You're going to have to eat better and walk everyday -- that's reality.

No more gaming -- that's reality.

Talk frankly and with understanding to your son -- that's reality.

Welcome to the world as it actually is! Maybe it evokes many strong feelings which you have been avoiding for a long time? Experience them. Have a cry. Punch the wall. This is your life as it really is: it's a lot more beautiful and meaningful than the fantasy of how it could or should be that you've been living. Welcome back!